it's never too early

I recently had a close friend of mine get married to the love of her life. The wedding festivities came far quicker than I had anticipated - weren't we those mischievous beehives giggling at girls camp just yesterday?! I remember talking and dreaming about one of us marrying a handsome man one day. I just don't think I realized how close that "one day" really actually was.

The night prior to them being sealed together for time and all eternity was their dinner. My friend and I arrived and sat down amongst the bride-to-be and her groom's closest friends and family. I looked around at all of the happy smiles and joyous laughs; everyone introducing themselves and sharing their favorite memory of the special couple. I turned to my friend and said, "I can't believe she's getting married!" (I think it was finally sinking in).

Later on in the evening, the mother got up and shared a sweet memory she had of her daughter, going back to a time when she was just a small child. The setting took place on the grounds of an LDS temple where the young girl exclaimed to her mother: "Mommy, someday I want to be married here just like you and daddy."

Those simple words brought a smile to my face and admittedly a few tears to my eyes. I thought of this now grown woman and how she had known from so early on that she wanted to go inside the temple someday. I'm sure that, at the time this sweet story was taking place, she wasn't aware of all of the covenants and promises that she would one day make inside of this beautiful building. However, she knew it was special and important and lived her life in such a way that would allow her to one day enter inside its doors. And yesterday, she did!

Marrying in the temple has always been a top priority and goal in my life. However, its sat on the back burner as I've focused primarily on school, work, and other hobbies. Now, please don't take this the wrong way - it's definitely always been important! It just hasn't been my main focus as I haven't yet felt the need to necessarily prepare for it. But listening to this mother share such simple, yet profound advice changed my perspective, and no longer is preparing to be married in the temple sitting, just waiting for the "right moment". Because you see: There is no "right moment" to begin preparing to enter the temple. If there has to be a right moment, it's right now.

Harold B. Lee said, "Youth should begin today to so order their lives that they will be found worthy at the proper time to go to the House of the Lord and be uplifted and sanctified by the temple ceremony." (Young Women Manual 2: Lesson 15)

Being part of this very special day with this special friend of mine has helped me to realize that it's never too early to prepare for an eternal marriage. We would all do well to follow in her footsteps by ensuring that we are always worthy to go inside of the temple - whether that's for baptisms for the dead, receiving our endowments, or being sealed to an eternal companion.

And the opposite is just as true - it's never too late to prepare, either. Through the Atonement, we can change and become the individuals we were divinely designed to be. The blessings of the temple are readily available to all those that will willingly receive them. Even if going to the temple may not be an option right now, we can always keep the temple in our sights. Simply having a goal to one day attend the temple can help change our desires and actions and help bring us closer to our Heavenly Father (check this post out).

I am incredibly thankful for a loving Heavenly Father. I know that through the atoning sacrifice of our brother, Jesus Christ, we can obtain all of the blessings He so longs to give us. I love the peace that the temple brings into my life and look forward to one day making the sacred covenants and ordinances necessary to obtain pure joy and happiness in the next life to come.

something to be

It's that time again - where everybody starts setting goals for the next year. 2015 has come and gone and now it's time to bring on 2016. It always amazes me how fast the years pass by, and although I'm welcoming the new year with open arms, I'm very much grateful for the lessons learned, experiences and opportunities gained, and the struggles that 2015 brought into my life.

Normally I sit down at my computer and think about all of the different things that I'd like to accomplish in the upcoming year. Things like: Read scriptures for 30 minutes a day. Go to the temple more. Get skinny. Be happier. Talk to more people. Try harder in school. Save $$$.

While each of these are great goals, I've found that simply setting them without a major game plan doesn't work for me. I don't even make it to Valentine's day before I'm waving off my goals until next year (kudos to you if you do) - which makes for looking back on the year not so enjoyable (at least for me).

So this year I decided I wanted to take a different approach. Rather than set 10+ goals that were almost a guarantee not to happen, I was going to set one, single goal. A goal that I could focus all my time and energy on. A goal that would be much more attainable than numerous little wishes and wants. I started thinking about what I wanted my one goal to be for 2016. I knew that I wanted to be able to be successful at accomplishing it.

I thought back on this past year and asked myself: what is the biggest thing you wish you could change?

Then I started listing off all of the negative things I didn't like about myself or what I wish I was or could be. I quickly realized that this was a common theme from 2015 - that a majority of my thoughts had been generally negative. I found that it was incredibly easy to point out the bad and the ugly before I even began to try and find the blessings.

One thing the Lord likes to remind me of is that my plan is not His. His way is best. And His way is also what will happen. I just have to trust Him. Oh, and have crazy patience....

As I look back on 2015 I realize how much I sat by wishfully dreaming and thinking. I wondered what it would be like if I were doing one thing rather than what I was currently doing. A good portion of my time was spent complaining about current circumstances rather than being grateful for all that I had.

Generally speaking, I'm a pretty positive person. But as the year continued to drag on, I found it much easier to be negative. But being negative got me no where. It didn't make me happier. Didn't make me feel better. In fact it was quite the opposite.

As I contemplated the year, I realized my biggest regret of 2015 was that I sat by wishing for all of the things that I didn't have rather than being grateful for the things that I did have. And then I knew what I wanted my goal for 2016 to:

Buddha said: "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become."

I believe that our thoughts influence how we perceive life. There have been a lot of times where I've thought that nothing good was happening to me and that I was merely existing. But all around me good things were happening (or had the potential to). There was experience and knowledge to be gained. Opportunities to seize. Blessings to be noticed. Moments of time and love to be shared. And so much more.

I was laying in my bed after a long, exhausting day and told myself that I just wanted to be happy. Or, I guess happiER. I realized that a majority of my happiness is based off of my thoughts and how I react to what happens to and around me.

This year, I want to be positive. I want to count more of my blessings. Smile a little brighter. And walk a little taller so that I can be a little happier. Which will probably mean a lot of 30 second dance parties, midnight drives to the Payson temple, and random Roxberry runs.  

So here's to a new year! A year full of endless possibilities. A year full of new opportunities and experiences. A new year for learning and growing. A year to change. And another year full of memories. 

I wish you and yours the very best 2016 imaginable.

change

Change: [noun] the act or instance of making or becoming different.

If you're like me - you don't necessarily welcome the act of changing. Change requires time and patience. It requires hard work and effort. It requires you to actively do something out of the ordinary.

It's hard. It's rough. And it's usually not enjoyable.

3 - 5 is the number of times most people will attempt to change an unhealthy behavior before succeeding.

There have been a plethora of things I've wanted to change in my life. Some I've been successful at! Others I'm still working on. And some I try to put off as long as I can.

However, change is inevitable.

Inevitable: [adjective] certain to happen; unavoidable.

Unavoidable: That means change will happen. No matter what.

There are three models of behavior change (Health Belief Model, Social Cognitive Model, and Transtheoretical Model) - each interesting in their own way. However, the third model was the one I was able to relate with the most. I found it interesting to compare my life to these six steps as I thought about unhealthy behaviors I'm working my breaking myself.

Dr. James Prochaska and Dr. Carlos DiClemete suggested that the reason we fail to succeed at our long - term goals so easily and quickly is because we aren't going about change the right way. They suggest there are six steps that must be followed in order to obtain the change we seek/want:

1. Precontemplation. People in the Precontemplation stage have no current intention of changing. They may have tried to change a behavior before and given up, or they may be in denial and unaware of the problem.
2. Contempation. In this phase, people recognize that they have a problem and begin to contemplate the need to change. Despite this acknolwedgement, people can languish in this stage for year, realizing that they have a problem but lacking the time or energy to make the change.
3. Preparation. Most people at this point are close to taking action. They've thought about what they might do and may even come up with a plan.
4. Action. In this stage, people begin to follow their action plans. Those who have prepared for change appropriately and made a plan of action are more ready for action than those who have given it little thought.
5. Maintenance. During the maintenance stage a person continues the actions begun in the action stage, and works toward making these changes a permanent part of his or her life. In this stage, it is important to be aware or the potential for relapses and to develop strategies for dealing with such challenges.
6. Termination. By this point, the behavior is so ingrained that constant vigilance may be unnecessary. The new behavior has become an essential part of daily living.
[These six steps were taken from the text book "Health: The Basics" by Rebecca J. Donatelle - yes... I wrote this while working on my health homework. Don't judge me.]

As I read through each of the steps I couldn't help but think, "I remember a time when I've felt like this." I was able to reminisce on all of the victories and setbacks I've ever had and was reminded of the habits that have been stuck with me for years that I've been working at breaking.

Chang is frustrating. Change is hard. However! Change is beautiful. The fact that we each have the ability and chance to change is a wonderful blessing given to us by a loving Heavenly Father.

Inside each of us is the power to change. To become someone we're proud of. To become someone that others can look up to. We have the power to be truly happy. That power is inside of you and me.

That power starts with something simple: a choice.

We're faced with choices daily; to get up on time or to hit the snooze button. To wear the pink shirt or the grey one. To eat Cocoa Puffs or Cinnamon Toast Crunch. To do our homework or to watch just one more episode of Scandal on Netflix. To keep talking to the cute boy past midnight or to turn off our phone and get some sleep.

Obviously there are choices that have a much greater impact on our lives: to go on a mission or continue going to school. To date the Mormon boy or the handsome, dangerous one. To marry in the temple or to settle for less. To say something hurtful or to stifle the comment. To do that bad thing just one more time or to fight the urge.

The choices we make today reflect what we will become. They shape our souls and mold us into the individuals we currently are and can become.

Change is inevitable. But how we change is our choice.

It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing. It never matters how far you think you've gone because you're never out of reach. You'll never go to the point of no return.

One of my favorite things to say is this: "We're human. We're stupid. We make mistakes. It's just going to happen. Some of our mistakes will be greater than those around us but that doesn't make us worth any less. Once we accept that we will and are going to make mistakes we're allowing the Atonement of Christ to take place in our lives.

How you change is a choice. How soon you change is a choice. It's all up to you.

But just remember: you have a loving Savior. And He died for you, too - not just everyone else that's around you. You are covered under His Atonement.

Change is a desire that we can come to want. We can find excitement in the opportunity to change and grow. The purpose of life on this earth was not to just come and live, but to learn. To grow. To achieve. The change.

Through Him, anything and everything is possible.

two decades is a long time

Apparently you have to live for a while to learn a lot of things... and then you still have to learn a whole lot more - even if you don't really want to.

Yesterday was my twentieth birthday - it feels really weird saying and writing it... but I couldn't be more excited for this next year and all that will come my way. I've truly been blessed with many amazing friends and family - all that have helped make my life simply wonderful.

The past two decades have been rough and frustrating, but they've also been really great. I decided to blog about twenty things I've learned in the past twenty years....

1. You have time. AKA: Patience. Just because I've learned that this is important... doesn't mean I'm any good at it. This will probably be a life - long struggle for me. Seriously, though. Ask anybody that knows me - I'm probably the most impatient person you'll ever meet. However, I've come to find that there are things in life I'm just going to have to wait for - and if I decide to have a negative/bad attitude while doing so... I'm going to hate life. Also - if you pray for patience... the Lord is going to give you trials that require you to exercise patience. This could be bad of me to say - but because of that, I don't pray for patience....

2. Ask for and accept help. I'm stubborn. I want to do what I want to do and when I want to do it. I've never been good at accepting or even asking for help. But I've realized that I can't do everything on my own - the Lord has given me parents, friends and leaders to help me through some of life's toughest moments. Besides... life is so much easier when you accept help - your parents let you eat from their fridge when you're sick of ramen and scrambled eggs and you never have to pay for toilet paper (I'm not sure if they know I steal that....)

3. The Lord's plan is not your plan. ---This is the theme of my LIFE! "If you want to make the Lord laugh, tell Him what your plans are." I'm sure the Lord has gotten a few good laughs from me. I've learned that I'm not my happiest when I'm doing what I think I want to or should do - but when I follow a good prompting and do what I know the Lord wants me to do... I'm my happiest.

4. Eat what you want! I was on a date with a boy a few months ago and was looking at the menu, trying to decide what to order. I thought, "I could order a salad and look all healthy," but then my eyes wandered over to the steak and I thought, "or I could buy this freaking delicious steak and enjoy it!!" While I was eating my small piece of heaven on earth (yes, I got the steak. DUH!), the boy looked at me and said, "Life is too short, eat what you waaaant!" I smiled, nodded and continued eating. Now. I would like to say... that eating healthy and exercising is important... and I should DEFINITELY be better in that area. But life is too short. If you have a piece of Zupa's seven layer chocolate cake in front of you... eat the dang cake and run an extra lap at the gym tomorrow.

5. Give your little brother lots of hugs & kisses. I have one brother. And I love his guts. I've always been jealous of the girls that have older brothers. They're teased mercilessly, but they've also got a best friend that will stick up for them and beat the boys up when they're being stupid (which is a lot of the time;)). Clearly, I don't have an older brother here to tease me... so I've graciously accepted the role as 'teaser'. While I will admit the teasing has caused a lot of unhappy faces from my brother, it's brought a lot of laughs and good memories to our brother/sister relationship. Someday he'll know I do it because I love him - and maybe one day he'll even give me hugs and kisses on the cheek without squealing!

6. Don't give away your kisses like candy. I remember making a HUUUUGE deal out of my first kiss. I wanted it to be special and magical! I imagined meeting a cute boy and falling deeply in love with him before he pulled me in close for a good, foot poppin' smooch (just like Princess Diaries)! It did NOT happen like that.... at all. And once it was over I realized that all the fuss about a first kiss was really nothing to fuss about at all. After that I gave my kisses away too freely and easily. Growing up I had told myself that holding a boys hand and kissing was something special because it meant that I really liked him. Society today tells us otherwise. We cuddle because it's fun. We hold hands because we can. We kiss because, heck, why not?! My advice? Save em'. Save those kisses!! Make the boys earn them... make them wait. Make them mean more. Make them special.

7. Friends (and fries) are way better than guys. I dated a boy a while back and spent ALL my free time with him. Literally. All of it. After the one month of dating bliss and happiness ended, I realized I hadn't spent enough time with my girls - the friends that have been there WAY longer than any boy. Luckily for me, I was blessed with some pretty fantastic (and loyal) friends. They put up with me while I was crazy over a boy and then stuck by my side and even offered to help me bury him after we broke up. This.... this is what true friendship looks like ;). Advice? Boys are great. I love boys. I enjoy dating and spending time with them. But please... you have some pretty great best GIRLfriends that would do anything for you. Don't ditch them once you have a boy in your life. Make time for your friends; have a girls night, paint your nails, watch that chick flick that makes you cry while you eat your tub of Boom Chocolatta Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Boys come and go... but your girls have been here for a while. Trust me, you want to keep them around.

8. You do not need a boy to make you happy when you have bdubs (Buffalo Wild Wings). Amen. I told my parents I wanted to go to bdubs for my birthday dinner and my mom said, "You go there enough already! It isn't even special!!" Needless to say, we didn't go... but you'll probably find me there one night this week. I realize this one is similar to #7, but I wanted to dedicate this specifically to the true love of my life - Buffalo Wild Wings. No, this is not a boy, but it gives me Parmesan Garlic wings and seriously... what else could I ever want?! While I was in high school (and even once I graduated) I was always jealous of the girls that dated and had boyfriends. They walk around, laughing and smiling, hand in hand with their "other half". For some strange, absurd reason I thought that I had to have a boyfriend to be "truly happy". Obviously I hadn't met bdubs yet ;). No, but seriously... you do NOT need a boy to make you happy - this is such a lie. Like I said in #7; boys come and go. If you base your happiness solely on a guy... well... best of luck to you. Advice? Find things you love and go do them. Or... go eat there ;). The guy can come later.

Which brings me to number...

9. Make time for what you love. One of my greatest joys and blessings is music. I picked up the flute in seventh grade and fell in love. In ninth grade I joined the American Fork marching band and eventually fell in love with that, too. It has become my life. I now have the opportunity to staff at Westlake high school in Saratoga Springs and work with twelve amazing young women. Ever since ninth grade I've been super busy because all of my time was taken up with band - but I've always been okay with it because I loved it. Now I'm trying to juggle working a full time job, school, AND teaching... and somewhere in there I'm supposed to sleep and be social and date? Ha. My schedule has always brought me a lot of stress and because of that people have often suggested I give something up in order to relieve myself. But what do I give up? I work because I have to. I go to school because I should (and because I have to). And I do music because I LOVE it. The past seven years of my life have been filled with marching band and quite frankly, I can't imagine life without it. If I HAD to go to school and work, I would make time for music. So I've let myself live the stressful life so that I can have time for what I love. Because of music, I've gained friendships I'll have for forever. I've learned lessons that I wouldn't have otherwise. And it's a big part of who I am today. Advice? Make time for what you love. Even if that means sacrificing sleep and some dates with a cute boy.

10. Actually work hard in school. Ha. Ha. Boy do I regret this, big time. I didn't do terrible in high school... but I definitely didn't do amazing, either. Once I got to college I found myself regretting some of the decisions I had made in high school. I wished that I had worked a little harder and done a little better. Now, I'll be honest, I FAILED at my first two semesters of college and I'm greatly looking to redeeming myself this upcoming semester at UVU. How I did in school is probably the one thing that I would go back and change. If I could, I'd work harder and care more about my education.

11. Dress up. I love to look nice. Sometimes I sit and stare at my closet and put together outfits in my head that I can wear later on. I've had some people ask me why I take so much time to get ready or why I spend money on clothes (and by spending money I most often mean going to TJ Maxx or Ross). Answer? Because I like how I feel. I love to dress up and look nice - even if I don't have to. Now of course there are days when pajamas, pizza, and Pretty Little Liars is TOTALLY acceptable. But on the days where I'm out and about? I like to look my best. Ever since I heard this I was always afraid to go out in public looking terrible: "Always look your best. You never know if you'll meet the man of your dreams today."

12. Don't be afraid of what people think. Any of you that follow me on Facebook or Instagram know that I like to post a lot of quotes. I haven't really been afraid to share my testimony or my thoughts on the Gospel. If I find something I want to share... I share it! I'm very blunt and honest about my feelings pertaining to the Church and love to share what makes me happy. I'll admit, there have been a few times where I've been afraid to open my mouth and share something (or type something into my Facebook feed). I wonder if I annoy or if I'm too forward. But honestly - I've learned to just not care. The one day I decided not to post anything, I received a private message from a friend that said, "Thank you for posting what you post. I needed that today." So I kicked myself, got on Facebook, and posted something anyway. Advice time? Do what you want. Be who you want to be. And don't be afraid of that. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Suess

13. It's okay to take a day off. Pizza and Netflix. Need I say more? But really. My life is incredibly busy. I'm constantly on the go and barely have time for my head to hit my pillow at the end of the day before I'm already hitting snooze on my phone the next morning. I joke about taking the day off to order pizza and watch Netflix ALL the time. And one time I actually did it (okay, I didn't order pizza... but I should have!). I took a day just for myself and caught up (probably a little too much) on my Netflix show. Best. Decision. Ever. After that day I was able to do more. I didn't feel like I was constantly on the go or like I was going to die from lack of sleep. Obviously you'll have to suffer the consequences of taking a day off... but sometimes I think it's worth it. Just don't do it too often ;).

14. Just read your scriptures. (That meme made me laugh way too hard) Just do it. I know, it's hard. It takes time. But oh is it important. My scriptures have collected dust while they sat on the dresser way too many times and I've read 1 Nephi more times than I want to even admit (due to starting over and over and over again). But I've seen just how important scripture study can be and is (I wrote a blog post on it - you should check it out by clicking this link!). I've received numerous blessings that have counseled me to seriously study the Book of Mormon. The times when I'm really good at it, I've been able to see how dramatically my life improves. How much happier I become and how much easier it is to stay strong. My life has been enormously blessed because of the Book of Mormon. I promise it's worth it to take the time to read them - your life will change once you begin a serious study.

15. Make time for the temple. This is something I wish I would have taken more advantage of while I was growing up. I remember going into the temple for the first time after turning 12 and thinking how amazing it was! I promised I would go ALL the time. Unfortunately, I'm no longer that good little beehive and I've struggled to go to the temple as often as I should, when I can go. However, I've recently put the temple into my weekly schedule. And even though I'm still not perfect at going that often, I've seen how much more blessed I am because I have a desire to go and try to as often as my life permits. I love the temple and believe that it is SO important (I wrote a post about this, too). Advice? Go as often as you can. And if you can't go right now? Get to a place so that you can. One of my favorite days to attend the temple is Monday, because it's closed - I sit and park my car in the parking lot and just simply enjoy having the temple in front of me. I promise you will be blessed for attending the temple.

16. Live in the moment. Look forward with caution but definitely DON'T live in the past. Because the past is not who you are anymore (here's another post I wrote about this). Much of who I am today is because of what's happened in my past and I wouldn't go back to change a single thing. However, there have been many times where I've looked back regrettingly (I'm aware this isn't a word) - wishing I could go back and change it all. Obviously that is literally impossible. I've come to find that I can be an amazing individual TODAY despite my past mistakes and decisions. I've also made the mistake of looking forward too longingly (refer back to #1). I'm very impatient and want things now. I wish I didn't have to wait... but I do. Looking forward too far has done me no good, though. I've found that I need to have complete and total trust in the Lord - His plan is far better than what I have in mind.

17. A day without a phone is a good day. When I turned 18 I got my first smart phone. I felt super cool. Along with the phone, we purchased a plan that would allow us to replace the phone at any time within two years for a small fee. I cherished and loved my phone and promised to be careful with it so that I wouldn't ever have to buy a replacement. Two years later and I'm on my sixth phone. The first one cracked. The second fell in the toilet. Third and fourth had similar stories. The fifth phone I decided to try and replace the screen myself (not recommended). I was phone-less for a few days as I awaited my sixth phone in the mail. Initially, my chest tightened and I thought, "Holy cow. I don't have a phone for like, three days!! What am I gonna do?!" Okay. I'm not that glued to my phone. But I did have a mini five second freak out before I realized that going without my phone was actually going to okay. I would not die. And actually... it was fantastic! I didn't feel the constant need to scroll through my Facebook news feed or check for an incoming text message. It was actually quite refreshing and relaxing. I'm not sure why we always feel the constant need to have our phones glued to the palms of our hands - it's actually quite sad. By spending so much time on our phones we lose precious time that could be spent doing other things of MUCH greater value. We miss out on memories and moments that are experienced when our eyes are not attached to our small screens. My advice? Turn it down. Put it away. Heck - turn it off! #17: LIVE IN THE MOMENT!

18. Write. I love to write. My blog is proof of this. I have a personal and scripture journal that I write in quite frequently. I find that I pay attention and remember things more when I'm writing them down. Putting my thoughts on paper helps me to think more clearly and understand things better. A few years ago, I began an electronic journal for my future children. It's filled with life experiences and advice that I would give to them if they were to ever go through the same things (i.e. how I would act differently, what I wished I would have done, etc.). I find that as I've written things down, I'm able to see my progress individually and make goals to better myself. My advice? Write. Write everything down. Write the good and the bad. The happy and sad. Just write.

19. Everybody's got something. Sometimes I look at people and think, "Man. They have it all. And they've never struggled with a thing in their life. Lucky them." I've been slapped in the face for this quite a few times... because everybody's got something. Whether that "something" is you got a bad grade on your math final or you're struggling with an addiction... everybody's got something. Something that is hard for them. Something that is unfair for them. Just because it may seem like a "piece of cake" to me doesn't mean it is for somebody else. God has created a beautiful life uniquely for each and every single one of us. The struggles and trials we go through individually are for our own personal growth and development. I go through what I go through so I can be who I need to be. And that's the same for everyone around me.

20. "Keep your chin up". When I was in junior high, my parents told me that if I joined the track team they'd buy me an mp3 player. OBVIOUSLY I joined the team! I mean, who doesn't want an mp3 player...??! Anyways. I'm the not the best runner ever - running is definitely not my thing. One day I was feeling discouraged about my performance on the team - I was always the last person and always had the slowest time. After sharing this with my dad, he told me that whenever I was having a difficult time while running, I needed to take a deep breath, put my chin up, and say "I got this". Since then, there have been numerous times when he's told me to "keep your chin up", and every time I have a difficult decision to make or am having a rough day, I remember those four words. We're all going to have a rough day - it's inevitable. We'll all be faced with decisions of what is "good, better and best" and it will be hard to choose which direction to travel in. I find hope and peace in knowing that I have someone by my side that knows what it's all like. I have a Savior that has been through any and everything. Just remember to keep your chin up... we're in God's hands and He won't let us down. With Him, we cannot fail.

And a little something extra....

21. The Church is cool. I'll admit, when I was younger I sort of wished I didn't know about the Church so that I could do whatever the heck I wanted. I'd often think, "If I weren't a Mormon I could [insert something not so great]". I sometimes wished I could go get a hamburger on Sunday or watch a movie I probably shouldn't. I'm happy to say I never did anything ridiculously stupid! But it did take a really long time for me to actually want to follow the standards of the Church. It took me a long time to want to read my scriptures and to want to go to Church. It took me a long time to want to pay my tithing or to want to pray. I did everything I was supposed to do because... well, I was supposed to. I believed that the Church was true based off of my parents and other's testimonies. I had a basic knowledge of the Church and could get up and bear a regurgitated testimony. Eventually I decided I needed to figure this Church thing out for myself - so I started doing everything I knew to do. I began reading my scriptures more. I met with my bishop. I began listening to conference talks and praying. I attended Church meetings and functions. Slowly but surely, I noticed a desire was beginning to grow inside of me (I wrote about this in a post, too). I found that I was smiling a whole lot more. Eventually I came to find my own testimony - not the testimony of those around me... but my own, personal testimony. And it meant so much more. Rather than doing things because other people expected them of me, I was doing them because I actually wanted to. I had found a desire to choose the right and serve God. The Church is cool. It really is. It keeps us safe, healthy, and happy. It wasn't designed to constrict us or make us "weirdos" (although, we are pretty weird). There is a reason why it's called "the great plan of happiness". I know that we will be truly happy if we're following the Lord's standards... especially because we want to.

The past twenty years have been good ones. I've learned and grown and couldn't be more thankful for the experiences I've had. I'm thankful for all of the amazing friends and family that the Lord has blessed me with. Thank you for your love and support.

Related posts:
to the recent graduate, 

The Continuous Atonement

A month ago, I had a life - changing appointment with my bishop. I have recently been struggling with different things and felt that visiting with this sweet man would help get me back up on my feet. Meeting with this humble servant of God sparked an interest and a desire to further my knowledge of the Atonement. He challenged me to read my scriptures for thirty days for thirty minutes - I tried not to let my jaw drop too far as I heard the words escape his mouth, but I agreed. Before I left his office, he asked me why reading the scriptures can help aid us through our lives. I simply told him, "because they can give us strength". I answered this only because that's what I've heard before. He smiled, nodded and said, 'That's right". He sent me home with a list of scriptures to read about our Savior and instructed me to report back to him after the thirty days.

Day one was a piece of cake. I opened my scriptures and started with the first scripture he had given me to read. I read for a half an hour, said my prayers, and went to sleep. Then I woke up and everything started all over again. I showered, did my hair, hopped in my car and drove to work. Nothing seemed different or better. I had even prayed that morning that I would be able to be happy and feel the spirit. Instead, I felt discouraged. However, I continued to do as my bishop instructed. 

A few days later, I hit a 'lull' in my work at my office and decided to go read through quotes on Pinterest. I don't remember specifically what quotes I was in search for, but I noticed I kept reading passages from a book by Brad Wilcox. Brad Wilcox... I thought. Why does that name sound familiar? So I googled. Ah! The Continuous Atonement. I had heard of this book numerous times from many people. I furthered my search and found many positive comments from people that had read it. After work, I went to Deseret Book and purchased The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox - a book that has truly changed me. 

I cracked open the cover and began to read. "... it is easy to become discouraged and feel like giving up. We fast, pray, seek blessings, and still wonder if the needed changes will ever occur. When they finally do, we wonder if the positive changes will last. At low points we want to quit - or worse, we just stop caring altogether. Those are the moments when we need to remember there is always hope." Hope. The word rang through my ears. I continued reading. "No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations" (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf). And from that paragraph on, I watched my view of myself and the Atonement change.

Throughout reading this book, I was touched, I was excited, I was happy. I found a joy that I had never felt before. I found myself eating through this book during every free moment I had. I learned new things and shared what I was learning. I found myself developing a love and a desire to know more and more. 

After dinner on Sunday night, my parents and I had a discussion about something I had read in this book that I hadn't quite understood in a chapter titled 'One Lone Branch'. For some reason, this had never clicked in my brain: our Heavenly Father desires for us to become like Him and the only way for us to do that is to come to earth and have a body. But why? My dad shared this quote with me, said by Lorenzo Snow: "As man is, God once was; as God is, man may become". As man is, God once was; as God is, man may become..... "You mean, Heavenly Father had a body?" My dad smiled. "Exactly". 

I was fascinated. The next day at work, I looked up this couplet by Lorenzo Snow and wrote it in the margins of my book. Everything was starting to make sense to me! My dad sent me a link on the doctrine behind the quote and I began to read as much as I could. Reading this doctrine sparked a love for church history and I found myself reading all that I could about our church around the time of the Restoration. I read all about Lorenzo Snow, Brigham Young, John Tanner, Emma and Joseph Smith. I read about Zion's camp and the history behind the Nauvoo temple. I just couldn't get enough.

The next Sunday, we watched the John Tanner film in Sunday school. I had seen this short movie numerous times - but this time something touched my heart that hadn't before. "As soon as the Word of Wisdom was made known to him, he quit the use of tobacco, tea, coffee and liquor and never touched them again throughout the remainder of his life." I began to cry. What faith this good man had. What strength he had. I was amazed at all he gave up for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I began to reflect on my life. I knew that I could do so much more - this thought became discouraging to me, yet it also pushed me forward. I was inspired by John Tanner and many faithful members of this church that have passed on. I was inspired to press onward and fight for the gospel. 

I realize that the world is much different from what it was while Joseph Smith was the Prophet. The trials and tribulations those faithful members struggled with are not so often struggles that plague the world today. Rather, we are constantly being bombarded with other temptations and difficulties. We live in a world where self image is constantly nagging at us. We live in a world where it is acceptable to dress immodestly and act irrationally. We live in a world where swearing and inappropriate humor is the norm. We live in a world of broken families. We live in a world full of addictions; drugs, alcohol, pornography. In short, we live in a scary world. 

I am often discouraged when I think about my life and the world I live in. It saddens me to see the things that so easily infect our lives and cause us to sway so violently. It seems to me, that the easier option would be to just give up. There have been many moments where I've sat in my bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why I try so hard to continue pressing forward when I keep getting pulled backwards. It seems that I can only get up so high on my ladder of progression before I go even further down than where I started. I have wondered so many times, is it all really worth it?

After reading about the lives of these amazing members, I had a motivation and drive to try harder than I ever have before. A little voice inside my head cried out "It is worth it!". Any time I had a negative thought, an ounce of doubt, or a glimmer of negativity... I would remember the faith and strength of John Tanner. Of Joseph and Emma Smith. Of Brigham Young. Of so many people before me. I remember the persecutions, the mockery, the beatings that they went through. I remember the tears that escaped their eyes. I remember the prayers they fervently prayed. I remember all they went through so that I could have the gospel ever present in my life today - and how eternally grateful I am that these stalwart men and women so graciously gave up so much for you and I.

Through reading my scriptures every single day, reading The Continuous Atonement and many accounts of the lives of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, I found the courage and the strength to press on. I found a desire I never knew I had before. I found joy. I found an excitement I never knew I had before. I am indeed, very humbled and very grateful.

Not too long after experiencing these amazing moments, I found myself stumbling downward. A few days before I would meet with my bishop again, I again became discouraged. I sat on my bed, shaking my head, frustrated. I began to reflect on the past thirty days. Half of the month was filled with so many good things - I found myself on a spiritual high. The other half of the month, I allowed myself to slip up and go back to old habits. I was mad for allowing myself to so easily give up again. I continuously would ask: 'Why?' I didn't understand how I could have so many good things happen and then to just go back to my old ways after such a short time. 

The day of my scheduled appointment with my bishop quickly came and throughout the day I had the thought to cancel - I could go back in another thirty days and hopefully have much better results for him. However, I knew that going to visit him would give me the push to try harder again. So, I went.

I walked into his office and shared with him all of the things I had experienced over the month. And then I told him of my recent feelings of discouragement, doubt, fear and lack of faith. I felt so bad for not being able to report back to him perfectly. I had so desperately wished that I could have changed and never swayed again.

It was then that he smiled at me and shared some of the sweetest things with me that I will forever remember. He asked me: "Even though Joseph Smith and John Tanner were amazing men, did they still make mistakes?" I nodded my head. "Even after Joseph Smith saw the Angel Moroni, did he still make mistakes?" I nodded again. I realized, that even after these men had seen some of the most incredible things, that they still made mistakes. I assumed that after learning all that I had this month, that I would never falter again - but I was wrong. 

Even after having miraculous moments we will stumble and fall. That is why we have the Atonement. The Lord has commanded us that we forgive our brethren 'seventy times seven'. He will fulfill that promise with us, as well. No matter how many times we slip up, the Lord will forgive us. The first chapter in The Continuous Atonement is titled 'However Long it Takes'. "God, like the bishop, cannot lower the standard that we ultimately become perfect, but He can give us many opportunities to start again... we are all given the time we need to correct our mistakes. Perfect is our long - term goal, but for now our goal is progress in that direction - continuous progress that is possible only through the continuous Atonement." "Even when we may not have completely forsaken a sin, each time we repent we are one step closer to that goal - perhaps much closer than we think. Paul wrote, 'Now is our salvation nearer than when we believed'. When we're tempted to give up, we must remember God is long - suffering, change is a process, and repentance is a pattern in our lives." In the margins, I wrote: 'Even once we have repented, we will always continue to use the Atonement.' "God and Jesus, who are not bound by clocks or calendars, can truly be long - suffering in a way we don't comprehend. Jesus says His 'hand is stretched out still' and 'Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid'. He who fed thousands with only a few loaves and fishes will certainly not run out of desire or ability to help us. He who rushed to the side of Lazrus will not slow down in His efforts to reach us. He who came to sleeping Apostles multiple times will not rest until we have also been revived." 

I found comfort in hearing the words of my bishop and in reading the words from Brad Wilcox, knowing that no matter how many times I stumble backward, that the Lord will always help me come back. He again challenged me to read thirty minutes for thirty days, and I accepted once again. My bishop looked at me in the eyes and said 'He has not given up on you'. Obviously, I cried. 

I know that the Lord has not given up on us - any of us. I know that no matter how many times we stumble and fall, no matter how far we think we've gone, how unforgivable our past is, that He will come to our side and help build us up. Through Him, we can be molded and shaped into something marvelous and wonderful. I know that we are so dearly loved. Our Heavenly Father wants us to become like Him. The only way that we can become like Him is by stumbling and falling down and then getting back up. 

In the last chapter of The Continuous Atonement, Wilcox shares the analogy of a marble egg with an elder missionary:

"... I went to a nearby shelf and retrieved a marble egg that had been set there for decoration. I said, 'Look at the marble. Isn't it beautiful?' 

The elder nodded in agreement.

'What makes it beautiful is not that it is free from imperfections. If it were clear and white, with no flaws, it would look plastic and artificial. The marble is beautiful and useful because of the dark veins, not in spite of them... as we keep our covenants and experience the sanctifying influence of the Spirit, it is as if those dark lines are polished over time. They actually become part of our beauty... One day, when you stand before Christ, you too will be beautiful - just like the marble - not because you have no dark, jagged memories in your mind, but literally because you do, and because through repentance and confession you are willing to let Christ and the Holy Ghost sanctify and polish them.'"

And with that, I closed the book. I looked down at my copy, worn out from being carted everywhere and written in. I opened the cover and wrote down my testimony of the Atonement so that I would never forget how I felt in that moment. 

This book has literally changed my view of the Atonement. I am filled with joy and an enormous supply of gratitude towards my Savior and His infinite and continuous Atonement. I know that without this beautiful gift, we would not be able to progress and become like our loving Heavenly Father. I know the Atonement is for any and everyone... not just those that are weighed down with the heavy burden of sin. We can and should use this gift every single day.

I have learned so much from reading these pages. My eyes have been opened and my heart has been softened. I know that our Savior, Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father love us dearly. I know that they will never leave our sides. We need them through literally every moment in our lives. Their arms are outstretched, ready to help us through life - we just need to reach up and accept the help they so graciously and effortlessly offer to us.

I am so thankful that we have the knowledge of this gospel and that Joseph Smith restored it to the earth. I am incredibly thankful for all of the sacrifices and all of the persecution that faithful members of the church have been through in order to carry out the work of the Lord and His church.

I am thankful for the Atonement and for all of the MANY "second chances" that the Lord so willingly gives to me. I know that life is hard, annoying, and frustrating. But, I also know that as we experience the Atonement and come to know Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father more personally, that we will find joy through the pain and difficulties, we will find good in the bad and beauty in the ugly. 

As I have read this book, I have been able to feel His love for me - something I know I desperately needed. The Spirit testified to me that I have a loving Savior who will never leave me, so many times. I was able to laugh and cry as this book touched my heart numerous times. I know that we will all undoubtedly make many mistakes while we live in this imperfect world. We must remember that it is only by learning that we can truly become like our Heavenly Father. I know the Lord loves us despite our many imperfections. Like in chapter ten, it is truly our imperfections that make us beautiful in the eyes of our God. 

Truly, the Atonement is our one and only way back home.

I will forever be incredibly thankful for the things this book has taught me, for the things I've learned and the insights I've gained from speaking with my bishop, and for the Spirit that has touched me. I know this Church is true with my entire being. I love the scriptures and the strength they give me to push through the many challenges that come my way. I know that through Christ, we can be saved. Even though the way back is rough and difficult, I know that pushing through and trying our hardest will ultimately be worth it.

Temple Thoughts

This week I was able to attend the temple to do baptisms for the dead. It had been a long time since I had been and was excited to be in the house of the Lord again. 

I parked my car somewhere near the back and walked through the beautiful gates of the temple. There was a beautiful bride and her sweetheart taking pictures. I couldn't help but smile as I became grateful for all of the many amazing blessings that come from the temple. 

I was expecting the font to be somewhat empty. It was 1:00 on a Saturday. Who goes to the temple for baptisms then? 

Apparently, everybody.

At first I felt a little annoyed - I was expecting only to be at the temple for at least an hour. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I could just do confirmations and call it good. But something told me to stay.

And I'm so glad I did.

After doing confirmations, they stuck us all in the chapel to wait until there was enough room by the font. I sat down next to my friend and began to patiently wait. All of the sudden, the people that were already sitting, started to sing a church hymn. I looked over at my friend, confused. I had never sang hymns in the temple before. 

But I sang anyway. At first, I felt a little silly, but then, as I began to look around the room at the pictures of Christ, I couldn't help but smile. I realized that each of us were sons and daughters of the same Heavenly Father. It felt like, for a moment, heaven. 

I looked around to each of us, wearing the same white temple jump suits, and felt a love for each and every one of the people in that room. None of us knew each other personally. We didn't know what anyone else was going through at home or what anybody else had done in their past, but I felt like we were the same - special and loved children of our Heavenly Father.

It was definitely a temple trip I will always remember.

One of the speakers in our sacrament meeting today spoke about the temple. He asked a question that caused me to think a lot. 

"Are we living in such a way that we are deserving eternal blessings that come from the temple?"

It made me think a lot about where I'm at in life right now. Am I making sure that I'm worthy to obtain all of the blessings that come from going to the temple regularly? Am I doing all that I can to prepare myself to go deeper into the temple someday and make covenants with my Heavenly Father? Am I preparing myself for a temple marriage? Am I becoming the person that I and God want me to become?

As I was listening to him speak, I thought of my temple trip yesterday and how thankful I am that I and my friend decided to stay and do both confirmations and baptisms. If we would have left, I wouldn't have been able to experience such a sweet moment. 

I hope that each of us will take the time to go to the temple when we can. There is something so special that comes from regular attendance. If you aren't worthy of a temple recommend - get worthy and then hold on tight to that piece of paper and never let it go. 

If you haven't gone all the way through the temple yet, prepare yourself now. Don't wait until you're going on a mission or getting married... be ready and worthy now. 

A Year in Review

2014 has been a good one! I'll admit that I'm glad that it has come to an end and that 2015 is just around the corner. One thing I love about the new year is not only setting new goals for myself, but also looking back at all I've accomplished and done throughout the year.....

2014.....

*I went to college! I moved to Rexburg, Idaho and attended school at BYU-Idaho for two semesters as a music education major on flute.
*I gained three lovely new friends (aka roommates). Angie, Rachel and Isabel.
*I learned college was A LOT harder than high school.
*I learned that living on your own was HARD.
*I learned a lot about myself and the type of woman I want to become.
*I learned that winter in Rexburg is miserable.

*I learned that flute players are crazy competitive and that "everything is a competition".

*I learned that I still had a TON to know about playing the flute.

*I learned that band tours in college aren't as fun as high school band tours.

*I learned what kind of people I want in my life.
*I learned that I didn't want to be in Idaho anymore.
*I learned that you should listen to the spirit the first time around.

*I lost almost 100 pounds and realized that life is great when you're being healthier.
*I started running and was able to run two miles straight (this is a lot......)
*I realized how much I truly loved every single member of my crazy family.

*I learned that I love Utah and I shouldn't try to get away from it.
*I started my second season of staffing at Westlake High School. Our show was entitled 'The Witch and the Saint.'

*I realized that I LOVE Hawaii. Oh. And the men there.

Overall, 2014 was a pretty tough years. I struggled throughout the entire year with things I haven't struggled with, but also gained a new confidence and love for life that I've never even seen before. 2015 couldn't come sooner and I'm already waiting for what awaits me.


2015....

Hopefully making my goals public helps me to accomplish them better. I always start out doing well on my goals but end up really slacking after just a few short weeks.

Goal number one.... accomplish every goal I have set for 2015.
2. Read my scriptures for at least ten minutes a day.
3. Finish the Book of Mormon by the end of the year.
4. Exercise six days a week for at least 30 minutes.
5. Go to the temple at least twice a month.
6. Pay a completely full tithe.
7. Run a 5k.
8. Reach my goal weight.
9. Eat less sugar.
10. Be more social.
11. Save money like crazy.
12. Practice patience.
13. Continue with my health blog.
14. De-clutter and live a more organized life.

As you can see they're pretty broad goals... but they're goals and habits that I want to develop sooner rather than later. It might be difficult to accomplish, but boy will it make a great year for me. I'm also looking forward to moving out in just a few short weeks as well as starting school at UVU in the fall.

Here's to a great new start......

preparing...

Today the theme seemed to center around being a mother. Usually, this topic doesn't phase me. I think... "Meh. I'll be a mother someday. I have plenty of time to learn these things before I'll even begin thinking about becoming a mother." But as we began to talk about preparing to be a mother, I realized I had much to learn and room to grow. Even if marriage and kids is far down the road.

In Relief Society, we talked about things we've learned from our own mother's that we'll teach our future kids, as well as things we've learned as we've grown up that we'll bring into our home. This made me think of all of the things that I want my family to do and be. I instantly thought of all of the little spirits that the Lord was going to trust me with and I felt both excited and scared. Excited to have little mini me's and my future hubby.... and scared beyond belief to raise children in this crazy world.

As I began making a personal list of the things I would bring to the table for my family... I realized these were things that would take years of practice and preparation. Nothing that would just change over night. I would have to begin preparing now.

The thought scared me. Preparing to be a mother now?? Having kids obviously isn't something I'm thinking about right now... I'm not dating anybody. Which means no marriage anytime soon. Which means no children. So obviously becoming a mother hasn't been something I've thought about recently. Until I stared at my list of attributes and qualities I want to have as a mother... and realized it was going to take a lot of time, practice, and energy to become the woman, wife, and mother I want to someday be.

I was talking to my sister in my grandmother's kitchen today about our recent dealings with men. She made the comment that I was now in the stage of life where I'm looking at the attributes in a man that I want for a husband. The men I date, hold hands with, and even kiss... are potential husbands for me. Little does she know... the men she's dating are potentials for her as well. Anyway. Once she made this comment, I realized how right this young girl was... and the thought scared me, yet again.

Of course, I thought; I'm only 19. Marriage is a long way down the road. But as I thought of the kind of wife I want to be for my husband and the kind of man I want my husband to be, I realized that just like becoming a mother... I'd have to begin preparing now.

As you think of the kind of woman, wife, and mother you want to eventually become, you'll realize the preparation needs to begin now. And the preparing and learning will never stop. I know that I want to be as ready as I can be to marry a husband for time and all eternity in the house of the Lord and as ready as I can be to bring some sweet spirits to this earth.

Starting Fresh

This is my favorite time of year. The leaves are turning beautiful shades of red, brown, and orange. The air has a slight crisp to it. Kids start excitedly picking out Halloween costumes. Candy corn begins to make a regular appearance. Pumpkin everything! Sweaters and boots. Blankets and hot chocolate. And...... General Conference.

This weekend we were blessed to hear from some of God's beloved sons and daughters, one of them being our Prophet. Every year I miss the Saturday session because of band. This year, I excitedly awaited conference weekend because I didn't have any band competition. Unfortunately, I was scheduled to work and couldn't listen to any of the talks. I also missed the women's session but I'm so excited to read all of the talks!! I did get to see both the sessions on Sunday and absolutely loved them.

General Conference weekend is always a time where I feel like I can start fresh... wipe my slate clean and start over. I always pray that I'll hear exactly what I need to hear and that I'll be inspired to do anything the Lord would have me do. Once conference is over, I take what I've learned and set new goals for myself. The past few months have been a bit rocky for me. I've had friends and family tell me I haven't been my happy, cheerful self-which has bothered me. If you asked me why I wasn't my happy normal self, I'd tell you that I honestly have no clue. I can't ever put my finger on it. As I sat back and enjoyed conference in my pajamas, I realized I've probably been lacking somewhat in the gospel. Reading my scriptures and saying prayers has just been another thing I check off the list. Aside from doing the little things, I don't go above and beyond to feel the spirit. Realizing this today helped me to understand that this is probably why I haven't felt very happy. I'm seriously lacking the spiritual high I usually feel.

Once I realized some things probably need to change, I was able to set some personal goals for myself for the next few months. I can't wait for the conference ensign to come to my home. I always love what our church leaders say to us. They help inspire me to be my best self. I'm so very thankful that the Lord inspired them to say the things they did. 

2014 Here I Come!!

2013 has been a great year for me-definitely one I'm always going to remember...

-Placed 4th Chair in the Utah All-State Honor Band-performed in Abravanel Hall
-Was asked to Staff at Westlake High School with their WW's and accepted :)
-Sat first chair and played a solo in Wind Symphony
-Got a 1 on my solo at State
-Went to Prom with Chad Squires
-Was one of the students awarded "Outstanding Wind Symphony Woodwind"
-Moved on to the Singles Ward
-Finished the Dental Assisting program for MATC-now a certified DA
-Graduated from American Fork High!!
-Graduated from Seminary
-Went to Girls Camp as a leader
-Earned my Personal Progress Medallion (Finally!)
-Turned 18
-Got my first advanced flute-brand spankin' new!
-Got my first Smart Phone
-Staffed at Westlake HS and absolutely LOVED every second of it-4A state champions and 4th overall (second Utah band next to American Fork)!
-Worked at Extend Health as an ADP
-Won "Speedy" 5 times and the weekly trophy twice at Extend Health
-Signed up for College classes
-Getting ready to leave for BYU-Idaho!!

"If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page." -Mark Houlahan

The beginning of a New Year is a time for us to reflect on the past-the good, the bad, the sad, the happy, the positive and negative and thank God for all He's given us. It's also a time for us to set new goals to be a better us for the next year.

While 2013 was a great year for me, there are many things I'd like to change about and for myself. Here are just a few of my goals...

-Start the Book of Mormon over and finish it
-Participate in a Service Project
-Start preparing for an LDS Mission (note that this is not me saying I'm for sure going on a mission, but they do say that the best way to prepare for your future is to prepare to serve a mission)
-Change my diet & exercise habits (running a 5K with my mom this Summer)
-Limit the use of my phone
-Do freaking awesome in school
-Do something I've never done before
-Meet new people & make new friends (be more social in general)
-Save as much money as I can during school & continue saving when I come home
-Improve on my flute & music skills
-Read more books
-Tell others around me I love and appreciate them more

I wish you all a Happy New Year's and hope you're all able to reflect happily on the year as well as set new goals for 2014.