my thoughts on the book: more than the tattooed mormon

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I just finished Al Fox Carraway's book More Than The Tattooed Mormon. And wow. Just wow. I'm kicking myself for waiting so long to actually read it - it's been sitting in my back pack for the past six months just waiting to be cracked open.

I don't even know where to begin with my thoughts on this book... so I'll just word vomit, right now:

I started the book last Sunday and finished it within the week. My family went to San Francisco and I knew the hours inside the car would be long and sometimes boring, so I searched for a good book to read. Remembering that this neglected book was sitting amongst the textbooks, papers, and pencils in the black hole that is my back pack, I decided that this would be the book to subdue my boredom if needed. It didn't take long. I reached into my bag and began to read.

I love Al Carraway. I've been following her for the past few years and gobble up every single post that she writes. I was excited to find out that I didn't know everything she had written within the pages of her book; it kept me coming back for more and more.

The thing I love most (if I absolutely had to pick something) about Al is how happy she is. You can just tell by her writing. And it's not that I didn't know why she's always happy, because I have what she has, too: the same Gospel. The same God. The same promises. Etc. But I learned something that I'll (hopefully) never forget after reading this book: "...they (blessings) do come, and they will be better than what we had in mind. That is what happens when we put God first..." (pg 118)

That's it! Put God first! That is the secret to the happy life. No, it doesn't mean that life will suddenly become easier; all of the answers to your questions won't magically be answered, all of your trials and burdens won't be lifted from you (though that would be nice). But! You will have the strength to push forward through all the rough times that will come your way. If you put the Lord very first. Just like Al said so many times throughout this book, He is our only option.

"Satan will not give up, and it's through the smaller things that he slowly gets us. We have to continuously be conscious of what we're doing and striving toward. The gospel is like running up the downward escalator: the moment you pause, you start sliding back. Satan waits for the moment you slow down to try and get you." (pg 91)

I've always been a visual learner and for some reason this visual of an escalator just clicked! Of course we're going to move backwards if we're not continuously pressing forward! Of course Satan is going to get to us if we slow down! We must always keep moving forward, keeping Christ the center of our lives, by putting Him first-at the very front of everything. 

I love how real and genuine Al Fox Carraway is. She doesn't sugar coat it; life is hard. Making decisions is hard. Patience is hard. "There will always be something to overcome, something hard to handle, or something new to figure out. How unproductive it is to long for the trial to be over, to crave a fast-forward button, to hang onto that make-believe mortal vision we create in our minds. Stop living in the future, and enjoy today. Search, learn, and find joy in your trials, because surely there will be many, consistent throughout our whole existence here." (pg 106) Repeatedly, Al talks about the blessings that will come to us if we continue forward in faith. We're promised blessings we can't even begin to imagine. How cool is that?!

I could keep talking about this book, but I should probably stop and just let you read the book for yourself. Seriously, I definitely recommend it. Al helps her readers (and followers) see the happiness that can be and is attained through living the Gospel. If you find yourself in need of a good wake up call, this book is your kick in the butt. If you've already read it, read it again. Al's positivity is infectious and you'll find yourself smiling through all that comes your way.

"Embrace yourself. Love what you can do and accept what you can't. Love your differences, and most important, be proud of yourself! Love who you are and where you are. Don't spend your time looking ahead, pleading for things to be over or different. Stop looking backward. Stop yearning and waiting for the future. Today, where you are right now, is a joy. Today, right now, is the best place to be. Happiness, opportunities, and blessings do await us in this day." (pg 138)

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Related posts:

The Continuous Atonement

am i worth refining?

This past week I had the opportunity to attend BYU Women's Conference with some members in my extended family. The day started in the Marriott Center with Sister Linda K Burton, General Relief Society President of the Church, where she addressed the thousands of women who were there to be inspired, uplifted, and spiritually fed. The rest of the day was filled with messages from individuals like Jenny Oaks Baker, Hilary Weeks, John Bytheway and countless other motivating speakers (I felt like I was walking around with celebrities - needless to say I was one very happy girl).

After being introduced to the theme of the conference, "One In Charity", my mom and I ran (literally) to the BYU Bookstore, the most important building we'd be in all day (*please note sarcasm*), so that we could stock up on the two things that would sustain us for the next few hours: peanut m&m's and chocolate covered cinnamon bears.

With our goodies in hand, we sat down in the Smith Fieldhouse and patiently waited for the speakers to come through. Even though I've never met him personally, Brad Wilcox is one of my all time favorite people that currently live on this planet (he wrote my favorite book, "The Continuous Atonement", which has it's own blog post that you can read by clicking here). It's been a dream of mine for the past little while to hear him speak (my next dream is to shake his hand), and on Thursday, that dream came true.

me and my beautiful momma

He shared of a time when he felt as though he wasn't deserving of God's love; he assumed that those around him were more entitled than he was to receive the blessings that come from our loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He explained that he was living through the motions of going to Church, reading his scriptures, and saying his prayers, yet he felt like God just wasn't there. Then he said something that I could easily relate to: "I felt like God already knew the outcome of my life, and I assumed that the outcome would be that I wouldn't make it. So why would God put me through a refiner's fire if I weren't worth refining?"

Let me say that last part again, "Why would God put me through a refiner's fire if I weren't worth refining?"

The question made me think. A lot. My mind went back to a time when I had similar feelings coursing through my brain. I'd often wonder if going through the trials and struggles that I was going through (and would inevitably go through in the future years to come) would be worth it if God already knew that I wasn't going to make it anyways. Why should I spend time learning and progressing when it might not actually be worth it?

my mom, me and three of my aunts

And then Brad answered the question: "He loves us because he has to. He loves us because He is bound to."

In his book, "The Continuous Atonement", Brad recounts this experience in Chapter Seven, "Who Made God the Enemy?" He explains it beautifully: "Some may not find much comfort in that thought (that God is bound to love us), but for me it was a realization that brought tremendous relief, peace, and security. God is bound to love me. It is his nature to love perfectly and infinitely. He is bound to love me - not because I am good, but because He is good... No matter how deficient and beyond recovery I thought I was, God was bound to love me. No matter how many balls I had juggled and let fall, no matter how much weight I had gained, how much lack of self - control I demonstrated, and how many regrets I carried from the past, He was bound to love me. No matter what my future might turn out to be, He is bound to love me."

Elder Jefferey R. Holland wrote in his book, "Trusting Jesus", "Just because God is God, just because Christ is Christ, they cannot do other than care for us and bless us and help us if we will but come unto them, approaching their throne of grace in meekness and lowliness of heart. They can't help but bless us. They have to. It is their nature."

The Lord has confidence in us. He has confidence in me, which means that He has confidence in you. You wouldn't be here, on this earth, if God didn't think that you weren't worth refining. Our loving brother, Jesus Christ, wouldn't suffer for the pains and afflictions of this world if we weren't worth it. I believe there is a reason we go through the things that we do. I know that my past experiences have led me to become the person that I am today and that the only way I can keep growing and gaining knowledge is if I continue to go through the refiner's fire that will eventually lead me to perfection in the next life to come.

I know that, at times, life can seem difficult. Sometimes it may even seem impossible. The struggles and trials that we face on a daily basis can make it seem like the easiest option would be to simply give up. However, I promise that if you will put your faith and trust in and with the Lord, your weaknesses can and will become your strengths, bad days will come to an end, and you will feel the love that our Savior and Heavenly Father have for you.

If we do our part, and let the Savior do His, countless blessings and an abundance of joy will surely come our way.

"In the end, everything will be alright. And if everything isn't alright, then it's not the end."

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"The refiner's fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God."

-Quentin L. Cook 

("The Songs They Could Not Sing" October General Conference 2011)

it's never too early

I recently had a close friend of mine get married to the love of her life. The wedding festivities came far quicker than I had anticipated - weren't we those mischievous beehives giggling at girls camp just yesterday?! I remember talking and dreaming about one of us marrying a handsome man one day. I just don't think I realized how close that "one day" really actually was.

The night prior to them being sealed together for time and all eternity was their dinner. My friend and I arrived and sat down amongst the bride-to-be and her groom's closest friends and family. I looked around at all of the happy smiles and joyous laughs; everyone introducing themselves and sharing their favorite memory of the special couple. I turned to my friend and said, "I can't believe she's getting married!" (I think it was finally sinking in).

Later on in the evening, the mother got up and shared a sweet memory she had of her daughter, going back to a time when she was just a small child. The setting took place on the grounds of an LDS temple where the young girl exclaimed to her mother: "Mommy, someday I want to be married here just like you and daddy."

Those simple words brought a smile to my face and admittedly a few tears to my eyes. I thought of this now grown woman and how she had known from so early on that she wanted to go inside the temple someday. I'm sure that, at the time this sweet story was taking place, she wasn't aware of all of the covenants and promises that she would one day make inside of this beautiful building. However, she knew it was special and important and lived her life in such a way that would allow her to one day enter inside its doors. And yesterday, she did!

Marrying in the temple has always been a top priority and goal in my life. However, its sat on the back burner as I've focused primarily on school, work, and other hobbies. Now, please don't take this the wrong way - it's definitely always been important! It just hasn't been my main focus as I haven't yet felt the need to necessarily prepare for it. But listening to this mother share such simple, yet profound advice changed my perspective, and no longer is preparing to be married in the temple sitting, just waiting for the "right moment". Because you see: There is no "right moment" to begin preparing to enter the temple. If there has to be a right moment, it's right now.

Harold B. Lee said, "Youth should begin today to so order their lives that they will be found worthy at the proper time to go to the House of the Lord and be uplifted and sanctified by the temple ceremony." (Young Women Manual 2: Lesson 15)

Being part of this very special day with this special friend of mine has helped me to realize that it's never too early to prepare for an eternal marriage. We would all do well to follow in her footsteps by ensuring that we are always worthy to go inside of the temple - whether that's for baptisms for the dead, receiving our endowments, or being sealed to an eternal companion.

And the opposite is just as true - it's never too late to prepare, either. Through the Atonement, we can change and become the individuals we were divinely designed to be. The blessings of the temple are readily available to all those that will willingly receive them. Even if going to the temple may not be an option right now, we can always keep the temple in our sights. Simply having a goal to one day attend the temple can help change our desires and actions and help bring us closer to our Heavenly Father (check this post out).

I am incredibly thankful for a loving Heavenly Father. I know that through the atoning sacrifice of our brother, Jesus Christ, we can obtain all of the blessings He so longs to give us. I love the peace that the temple brings into my life and look forward to one day making the sacred covenants and ordinances necessary to obtain pure joy and happiness in the next life to come.

putting the Lord first

A big portion of my "adult life" has been spent wondering what the heck I'm supposed to be doing. I've found it difficult to make decisions that I'm faced with and even continue wondering and second guessing myself after I've come to a conclusion. It seems as if the one path that initially felt "right", no longer is and that the one way I want to go, isn't where I should be going (this has proven to be quite frustrating).

I came across this scripture during my studying the other night - at the time it didn't seem like an answer to any of my worries or concerns, yet I found that my mind kept wandering back to these two verses over the next few days:

Alma 37
36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when you risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

I was sitting at my small, messy desk at work, munching on cheez its, while I read through the most recent post by Al Fox ("9 Ways To Get More Out of General Conference"). I continued clicking through her blog and eventually the post, "I'll Never Get Married", came up. Even though I had read this entry several times before, I felt the nagging feeling that I should read it again. So I did.

I came across this sentence: "I learned that if I continued to put God first, everything else would fall into place." My mind instantly went back to what I had studied in my scriptures the night before and it was then that I realized I hadn't been doing a great job at putting the Lord first.

There have been many times where I've hopelessly and helplessly cried out in anger as to what the Lord wants me to do. Questions fill my mind every single day: Am I studying the right thing? Should I be dating more? Should I serve a mission? And it drives me completely and totally batty. Each of these questions has caused me to wonder if I'm even doing the right thing (it's a daily battle). I've often doubted if the path I'm currently traveling is the right one or if I should stop and turn around ASAP to try one of the other many roads.

I've noticed that as the ups and downs of life have seemed to come and go quite frequently, so do the things that matter the most. My scripture study and prayer habits are usually most effective and consistent when I'm coasting through life with a happy smile. However, as soon as a string of doubt weaves it's way into my life, all of the things that keep me afloat become almost non - existent: Scripture study dwindles. Prayers become less sincere. My temple attendance goes down the drain. And as a result, life gets harder. Smiles turn to frowns. And the bad days seem to outnumber the good (shocker, right?!). The funny thing is, I  can't ever seem to figure out why I'm so unhappy!

Now, you're probably thinking: Well it's no wonder you aren't happy! You aren't doing all of the little things that give life purpose and meaning! And I will willingly tell you that you are absolutely and positively 100% right. After going through this pattern multiple times, one would think I'd learn my lesson. However, I've come to find that it usually takes several failed attempts to ingrain something into my brain (I can only imagine how frustrating this must be to the Lord as He's trying to teach me valuable lessons).

Eventually I realize that my life is lacking in the spiritual department and I'll pull out my scriptures, blow off the thin layer of dust that has accumulated, and scold myself for being so prideful as to think that I could get through a challenge without the guidance of the Gospel. And almost always, an abundance of peace will find its way back into my life.

I know that the Lord does not leave us. He will never leave us, even in the moments where we feel as though we've been abandoned and are left to fend for ourselves. I am absolutely sure our questions could be answered simply and that our pains and afflictions could be easily taken from before us, yet that isn't the purpose of this life. One of the most beautiful things about our loving Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ is that they allow us to learn and grow through what we will so inevitably have to face and experience in this life. I promise that if you will put the Lord first, you will receive guidance and council to your questions and the struggles of life will become more easily bearable.

I know that the Lord listens to each of our prayers. Our cares, concerns, and worries become His cares, concerns, and worries. I've found that most of the answers to my prayers come in ways I never would have expected them to - much of my life has been down a path I hadn't originally intended to travel down. And even though trials, struggles, and frustrations still easily work their way into my life, I know that if I put my trust in the Lord, all will work out.

I hope that as we continue through this beautiful journey, we will remember to put the Lord first, always.

the ledge

My family goes to St. George every summer and each visit is typically the same as the last: swim in the hotel pool, watch a performance at the Tuacahn Theater, and hike around the red rocks. One year, a neighboring family came along and guaranteed that there were far more entertaining things to do besides our usual, mundane festivities. We excitedly anticipated the trip and wondered what could possibly be in store now that we were in the hands of far more experienced “St. George – goers”. One of the activities we were promised was the exhilarating adventure of experiencing an underground cave. I listened intently as the family excitedly spoke of the magical cave at the end of the tunnel we would be hiking through. Upon arriving at the small opening in the ground, I peered over the sandy edge. My eyes widened with excitement and a smile spread across my face. How cool is this?! I thought.

I jumped off of the small ledge and began my decent, deep into the cave. The warmth of the sun slowly began to dim as we continued further. To ensure my safety, I gripped on to any rock or crevice that I could as I inched along the sandy path. There were often large ledges that required us to jump and steep drop offs that made it nearly impossible to stand upright on our feet. Sharp rocks and edges poked out from the walls, resulting in little scratches on my arms and legs.My stomach started to form small, jumbled knots. I wondered if venturing deeper and deeper into the earth would prove to be worth it. Eventually, a little voice asked the question that I didn’t dare: “Are we almost there?” A deeper, more mature voice answered by saying, “Almost! It will be amazing, I promise!” The further we went, the darker it became. Yet, I pressed onward, eager to see the miraculous end.

After what seemed like an eternity, the end was finally in sight. I quickly climbed up and over the last large rock and looked around. I was surrounded by darkness. I blinked a few times, straining my eyes to see the miraculous cave I was earlier promised. This can’t possibly be the end. I turned around in circles, looking at the bland, grey rocks of the cave. It was anything but incredible or awesome. A few moments had passed and we decided to travel back up the path. I turned around and peered up at the first ledge I would have to get onto. Nervous butterflies fluttered around in my stomach as I tried to gulp down the lump that had formed in my throat. I watched as everyone ahead of me seemed to effortlessly climb up onto the ledge as they received help from those around them. I approached the ledge, reached up, and grabbed the sandy rock. I attempted to pull my body up but didn’t have the strength.

I loosened my grip and took a step back, putting my hands on my hips. My body flooded with worry and tears started to sting my eyes. I was now further behind the rest of the group and couldn’t pull myself up onto the ledge. I wondered how it could be so easy to get so deep, yet so hard to get back out.

Just as the first tear started to spill from my eye, I felt a strong arm grip my shoulder. I peered around and saw the gentle face of my father. He smiled as he knelt down, giving me his knee to boost me up. A wave of relief flooded over me. I approached the ledge and stepped onto my dad’s knee. I began to lose my balance and the panic instantly welled up inside my chest. Before jumping off, I felt two arms grab my waist. I looked behind; it was my mother. I took a deep breath and mustered the strength to pull myself up with the guidance of my two parents. A moment later I found myself peering down at my mom and dad, as I sat atop the ledge. The tears started to freely fall as I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get out of this cave alone, but that I could with help.

I’ve gone back to this experience numerous times throughout my life. I remember a time in particular where I was struggling with some of the decisions I was making and was well aware of the dark path that I so aimlessly and easily wandered down. It seemed as if the things of the world were far more enticing than keeping the commandments or simply reading my scriptures and saying my prayers were. 

Much like the sunlight slowly dimming as I ventured deeper into the cave, the light of the Gospel gradually subsided in my life. I didn't know what was at the end of the path I had chosen, but the voices of the world suggested it was "amazing" "astounding" and "incredible". However, traveling further proved otherwise. The enthusiasm for something new and exciting was quickly replaced with worry and doubt as I questioned my decision to travel the way that I was. Yet despite these negative feelings, I pressed forward. 

Eventually I realized that this path gave me little happiness. The grandeur that I assumed would fill my life proved to be disappointing. No longer wanting to be in this dark-filled cave, I began my climb back out, and it didn't take long for me to come to the realization that this would be much more difficult to get out of than it was to get in. I approached my first "ledge" and struggled to get up and over it. I took a step back and looked at all that I had to do in order to get back to where I knew true happiness lied. The thought quickly became overwhelming and doubt began to fill my mind.

You've come too far now, you might as well just stay where you're at.

There's so much that you have to do - it will take forever for you to get out.

In the moments filled with doubt and fear, I found myself falling to my knees and bowing my head, reaching out to my Father in Heaven for the first time in what felt like forever. Crying out in desperation, I felt a warm peace come over me, almost as if a strong arm had gripped my shoulder, assuring me that all would be okay. No longer did the journey back seem impossible. 

This time, I approached the first ledge with much more valor and strength, knowing that I wasn't alone. 

Eventually I was able to make it out of the sandy cave. Each ledge had it's own difficulties and I seemed to struggle with doubt as I approached each one, but before the seed of worry could grow any larger, the hands of my parents appeared to help guide me up and over. The closer I got to the opening of the cave, the more I could feel the warm sunlight on my skin. Hope filled my body as I realized that I was almost to the opening of the cave. A wave of relief washed over me as soon as I found myself standing, peering over the sandy edge and down into the dark cave. Cuts and bruises stung my arms and legs, yet the happiness I felt from enduring the struggle of getting out made all pain disappear. 

Getting out of my "spiritual" cave proved to be similar to pulling myself out of this sandy cave in St. George. Each "ledge" I found myself approaching had it's own difficulties and struggles, yet there was always a knee to step onto or a hand to hold. Any moments filled with fear or worry were quickly replaced with the warm peace of a gentle hand on my shoulder. Eventually a light of hope began to find it's way into my life again, causing me to continue pushing forwards. Eventually I found myself back on a path filled with happiness, able to peer down at my trials. The "cuts" and "bruises" that were now a part of me became a reminder of the struggles and difficulties that were necessary to overcome in order to be back where I now was.

As I look back on the trials that I've gone through during my time on this earth, I can't help but be filled with so much gratitude. I believe that we often feel alone when we venture off the straight and narrow - it becomes easy to believe that the Lord is no longer with us when we aren't doing what we know we ought to. However, I know that the Lord is always with us. Because of our Agency, we have the power to choose whether we will accept His help or not, and the moment that we decide to take His hand, I know that He will be there, ready to lend His knee or a helping hand.

something to be

It's that time again - where everybody starts setting goals for the next year. 2015 has come and gone and now it's time to bring on 2016. It always amazes me how fast the years pass by, and although I'm welcoming the new year with open arms, I'm very much grateful for the lessons learned, experiences and opportunities gained, and the struggles that 2015 brought into my life.

Normally I sit down at my computer and think about all of the different things that I'd like to accomplish in the upcoming year. Things like: Read scriptures for 30 minutes a day. Go to the temple more. Get skinny. Be happier. Talk to more people. Try harder in school. Save $$$.

While each of these are great goals, I've found that simply setting them without a major game plan doesn't work for me. I don't even make it to Valentine's day before I'm waving off my goals until next year (kudos to you if you do) - which makes for looking back on the year not so enjoyable (at least for me).

So this year I decided I wanted to take a different approach. Rather than set 10+ goals that were almost a guarantee not to happen, I was going to set one, single goal. A goal that I could focus all my time and energy on. A goal that would be much more attainable than numerous little wishes and wants. I started thinking about what I wanted my one goal to be for 2016. I knew that I wanted to be able to be successful at accomplishing it.

I thought back on this past year and asked myself: what is the biggest thing you wish you could change?

Then I started listing off all of the negative things I didn't like about myself or what I wish I was or could be. I quickly realized that this was a common theme from 2015 - that a majority of my thoughts had been generally negative. I found that it was incredibly easy to point out the bad and the ugly before I even began to try and find the blessings.

One thing the Lord likes to remind me of is that my plan is not His. His way is best. And His way is also what will happen. I just have to trust Him. Oh, and have crazy patience....

As I look back on 2015 I realize how much I sat by wishfully dreaming and thinking. I wondered what it would be like if I were doing one thing rather than what I was currently doing. A good portion of my time was spent complaining about current circumstances rather than being grateful for all that I had.

Generally speaking, I'm a pretty positive person. But as the year continued to drag on, I found it much easier to be negative. But being negative got me no where. It didn't make me happier. Didn't make me feel better. In fact it was quite the opposite.

As I contemplated the year, I realized my biggest regret of 2015 was that I sat by wishing for all of the things that I didn't have rather than being grateful for the things that I did have. And then I knew what I wanted my goal for 2016 to:

Buddha said: "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become."

I believe that our thoughts influence how we perceive life. There have been a lot of times where I've thought that nothing good was happening to me and that I was merely existing. But all around me good things were happening (or had the potential to). There was experience and knowledge to be gained. Opportunities to seize. Blessings to be noticed. Moments of time and love to be shared. And so much more.

I was laying in my bed after a long, exhausting day and told myself that I just wanted to be happy. Or, I guess happiER. I realized that a majority of my happiness is based off of my thoughts and how I react to what happens to and around me.

This year, I want to be positive. I want to count more of my blessings. Smile a little brighter. And walk a little taller so that I can be a little happier. Which will probably mean a lot of 30 second dance parties, midnight drives to the Payson temple, and random Roxberry runs.  

So here's to a new year! A year full of endless possibilities. A year full of new opportunities and experiences. A new year for learning and growing. A year to change. And another year full of memories. 

I wish you and yours the very best 2016 imaginable.

what will i give?

This is my absolute favorite time of year (aside from the beautiful fall season). The crisp chill in the air. The piping hot chocolate. Silver Bells. Candy canes and peppermint sticks. Chocolate oranges. Icicles. The mittens and ear muffs. Marshmallow puffy coats. The sleds and snow boards. The rosy red cheeks and ears. Caroling. Temple square. Letters to Santa. Christmas wreaths and trees. The twinkling lights. Nativity scenes. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Secret Santa's and coat drives. Red and green. The family gatherings and parties. Ugly sweaters. Ice skating and igloos. Boots and scarves. The crackling fire place. Countdowns and Christmas chains. The crisp, white snow. Presents under the tree. Santa Clause at the Mall. Sales and discounts. Kisses under the mistletoe. Snow angels. Gingerbread houses. The Grinch and Cindy Lou Who. Apple Cider. Stockings and garland. New pajamas. The smell of oranges and cinnamon.

With all of the hustle and bustle it can sometimes be hard to focus on the real meaning of the season. I know that I've found myself caught up in the worry of wondering what gift to buy. Or making sure that I don't miss the big Christmas sale at the store. I get wound up in wanting everything to be perfectly perfect that I tend to forget to think about what truly matters.

A few weeks ago I was asked to teach the relief society lesson and I only had a day to prepare before I got up in front of a large group of single women. The topic I was assigned focused a lot on Christ's life. I began reading about each of the many different attributes our Savior and Brother possessed...

Patience. Humility. Knowledge. Virtue. Temperance. Love. Kindness. Faith. Long suffering. Charity. Hope. Brotherly kindness. Godliness. Diligence. Obedience. Service. Good works. Forgiveness.

And oh so much more.

I couldn't help but feel completely overwhelmed as I realized all of the pain, suffering, mockery, and afflictions that our Savior endured during His life on earth.

Yet, despite all of the many trials He experienced, He maintained patience. He forgave. He reflected hope. He served. He emulated the light of our Father in Heaven. He was charitable. He loved. He was kind. And  He was good.

I began to think of all of the little things that happen on a daily basis that cause me to so easily lose my patience. Or my temper. I thought of all the minuscule things that make it so simple to say an unkind thing or think an unkind thought. I'm certain that that magnitude of what our Savior went through greatly surpasses anything that I will ever experience.

My heart was filled with gratitude for my Savior. I was again reminded of not just the pain and suffering He experienced, but of all the miracles He performed and the goodness He shared. My memory was refreshed of the blessings and the light that have come from His life.

I sat at my computer, reading once more what I would be sharing the next day in relief society. It was a perfect start to the Christmas season - reminding myself of what truly matters most: the life of our Savior.

"When we keep the spirit of Christmas, we keep the Spirit of Christ, for the Christmas spirit is the Christ Spirit." -Thomas S. Monson

With Christmas only a few short days away, I challenge each of us to keep the Spirit of Christ in our Christmas spirit. It's easy to overlook the sweet baby boy born that long time ago to Mary and Joseph in the stable full of farm animals. Easy to forget the miracles He performed and the goodness He spread wherever He walked. Easy to forget the lives He touched. The lives He changed.

It's easy to forget when we're replacing our gratitude with thoughts of getting presents or making the best pie for the ward Christmas party.

I hope that as we continue to experience this magical time of year, that we take a few moments out of our crazy schedules to express our gratitude to our loving Savior, Jesus Christ and reflect on His beautiful life. He truly is in every single detail of not just this Christmas season, but every single day of our lives.

I hope that as we seek out gifts for our loved ones, that we will also make the time to give to our Savior. By lending a helping hand to the elderly man shoveling his snow in the cold. By sharing our goodies with the widow a few doors down. By giving to those that have less than us. By sharing our precious time with someone in need. Or by making a promise to practice patience. A goal to strive to learn more of Christ. Or time spent enveloped in the scriptures and the words of our prophets.

"What will you and I give for Christmas this year? Let us in our lives give to our Lord and Savior the gift of gratitude by living His teachings and following His footsteps." -Thomas S. Monson

I hope that while you're enjoying this most wonderful time of year, that you pause for just a brief moment and ask yourself what you will be giving for Christmas this year to the One who has given you everything.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!


Click here to watch "A Savior is Born" video - my favorite part of this video is the joy and respect that come from the children's faces and voices. You can see the love that they have for Christ.

Click here to watch a video on the Attributes of Christ

Share the good news of the Gospel!

afraid to wear a t - shirt

I have this shirt. It's red. And it says "PORN KILLS LOVE" in large white lettering.

I have other shirts from this same organization; a black one that says, "Become a fighter, change begins with one" and a blue one that says, "Don't fill your head with lies". I've worn these two shirts on multiple occasions and always get some questions as to the meaning behind them. I've even gotten random strangers telling me how great it is that I'm repping the movement of Fight the New Drug.

But for some odd reason, wearing the well - known red "Porn Kills Love" t - shirt has proven to be quite difficult.

You see... the blue and black shirts tend to blend in easier with the crowd - I can walk around wearing either of them and at first glance it just looks like one of my old high school t - shirts.

But everybody knows about the "Porn Kills Love" shirt - you don't even have to read it to already know what it says.

Don't get me wrong... I love the shirt! It's probably in the top 5 of my most favorite t - shirts (yes... I do rank my clothing in order of favorite to least favorite)! I wear it to bed all the time; but when the laundry hasn't been done and my supply of shirts to wear to the gym is running low... my red "porn kills love" t - shirt isn't even considered. When it's time to go to band practice? Anything BUT the red shirt. And Saturday morning math class where looking like a slob is totally acceptable because of the inhumane hour that it's being held? The shirt is not so lovingly tossed aside and I'm forced to sift through dirty clothes in order to find something to wear.

Why?

I've never been one to really care much about what people think of me. The confidence that I have in myself, my standards, and values are much greater than any comment or thought that someone could think or say to me.

But, simply put: I was afraid to stick out. I was afraid of being noticed; wearing this shirt brought me out of my "Cambri comfort zone". Every time I put it on in the morning, the thoughts of what people might think of me if they saw me wearing it would wander through my head...

Why is she wearing that?

What is she thinking making a statement like that?

Does she really believe that?

I first came across "Fight the New Drug" earlier in 2015. Immediately I was intrigued by what I was reading. Pornography is like a drug? Wow! How? And I kept reading all that the website had to offer. How have I never heard all this stuff? As I continued navigating around this website, I found all of the many great things that this company was doing for the countless people with loved ones struggling with pornography as well as those who struggle themselves. Reading the real - life stories from people who knew all too well about the harmful effects of pornography became something I did during my free time. It amazed me to see all of the kind words that people who didn't even know each other shared with those who were struggling.

After supporting this organization for numerous months, I decided it was time to buy one of their many t - shirts. I knew that the "Porn Kills Love" shirt was the most popular of all, but didn't think I was ready to make such a bold statement - so I bought my two other Fight the New Drug shirts instead.

However, every time I went back to the website, I found myself wanting to buy the shirt.

So one day I did! And a few days later my t - shirt showed up in the mail. My heart started to beat a little faster as I opened the clear packaging. I was excited, but also nervous. I fully support and love what this organization does for people but was completely nervous to wear this shirt out in public for fear of what others might think.

So the shirt stayed in my dresser drawer for quite some time. I didn't even try it on.

Eventually I forgot about the t - shirt until it showed up in my laundry a few weeks later. I lifted it up and looked at it. I held it there for a moment and cocked my head to one side. Why am I so afraid to wear this shirt?

It took me sitting in my parents laundry room holding up a very neglected t - shirt to realize that this had the adversary written all over it. I scolded my lack of courage and decided I would wear the shirt out in public.

I'm reminded of the popular Mormon Message from our sweet Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson entitled: Dare to Stand Alone (watch it here).

While my itty bitty predicament was not the same as President Monson's, it had its similarities. Watching this simple message often makes me wonder if I would have the courage to stand all alone or if I would back out and go with another group.

While it isn't the exact same, not wearing my red "Porn Kills Love" t - shirt because I was afraid of what others would think of me, answers the question of whether or not I would stand alone or shamefully leave to join another group and their Sunday activities.

Now, I understand that this is just a t - shirt and that in the grand scheme of things it probably doesn't even matter all that much, but it sure has seemed to cause quite the ruckus. The nervous butterflies that accompanied wearing the shirt outside of my bedroom caused me to wonder if it was actually worth it.

I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror and, for a brief moment, contemplated taking it off. But I didn't. And I wore it all day. I went to the parentals in it. And out in public. I even posted a picture on social media - I was feelin' gutsy.

I quickly realized that wearing this shirt helped me to feel a sense of pride; I was wearing something that showed a portion of my beliefs and I wasn't afraid of it anymore! All of the sudden, sticking out like a sore thumb or wondering what other people were thinking about me wasn't on the forefront of my thoughts. 

As members of the Church, I believe that we are supposed to stick out - but for good reasons, of course. In Peter 2:9 we're referred to as a 'peculiar' people. Even back then they knew we'd be oddballs!

The trick is to realize that being the one sticking out of the "popular crowd" is actually cool!

I've always known that the commandments and guidelines set by our Prophets and other Church leaders are here to help us and keep us safe and protected. I'm a firm believer that God would never have us do anything that would harm us or slow down our progression to our ultimate goal: perfection.

Because of the commandments, principals, guidelines, and suggestions - Mormons are most often the odd man out (unless you live in Utah or Rexburg). If followed correctly, we're meant to stand out. Meant to stick out like a sore thumb. Meant to cause people to question our actions. Meant to make people wonder what we're all about.

"When you keep the commandments and follow the Savior's example, it's like holding up a light. Your good example helps others to find their way in a darkened world." -Ardeth G. Kapp

Now, I know that Fight the New Drug is not directly associated with the LDS church, but it sure does follow and go along with what we believe! It's designed to help people find relief and freedom from something that's holding them captive - no matter how deep in they are. While wearing my red shirt doesn't show my beliefs directly - it does in some small part. It's caused people to ask questions and wonder why I support such a group. I've found that numerous missionary opportunities have come from simply wearing this shirt.

After having seen all of the positive events that occur from wearing a shirt makes me wonder why I ever worried to wear it in the first place!

I've had many challenges and experiences that have helped me to see that being a Mormon is actually the cool thing to do and be. Trifling and dabbling with the things of the world can seem fun - but that fun is only temporary and doesn't even begin to compare to the happiness and blessings that one can obtain from faithfully living the Gospel standards.

Don't be afraid of wearing a t - shirt that represents a small portion of who and what you are. For that matter, don't be afraid of anything that shows what you stand for.

I challenge each and every one of us to follow President Monson's council: "Dare to be a Mormon. Dare to stand alone. Dare to have a purpose firm. Dare to make it known!"

 ***

Check out the Fight the New Drug website! It's really cool!

The LDS Church holds support meetings for those directly and not directly affected by pornography. They follow 12 steps that can help provide relief to those struggling. These steps can be and are a blessing to anybody.

when your friends decide to get married

Once you graduate from high school, crazy things start happening; people leave on missions, everyone moves away to college, you actually have to work hard so that you can live, your girlfriends start dating guys... break ups happen... proposals happen... engagements happen, and then... marriage happens.

It's probably not so weird for all of the girls getting engaged... but it is for the ones that aren't getting engaged and are sitting in the back of the theater with their tubs of extra butter popcorn watching life happen around them up on the big screen.

I couldn't believe the amount of friends and old high school classmates that were engaged or married within the first year of graduation. It seemed as if I was typing my address into the "Save the date! We're getting married!!" Facebook page almost three times a month.

And then the class below me graduated. The amount of wedding announcements nearly doubled. And there I was... snacking on my junior mints and blue raspberry Slurpee while I sunk lower and lower into my seat in the theater featuring my life story.

It wasn't so much the old high school acquaintances that were making me step back in shock and awe, it was my friends.

I remember sitting down in a circle with my closest of friends nearing my graduation day. We put together a time capsule that wouldn't be opened until 2018. In it are fun memories and letters we've written to each other. Along with other trinkets and pictures, is a paper that has our lives planned out. We were even so bold as to write down who we thought our future spouses would be!

I can tell you right now... my life is nothing like what is written on that paper. And neither is anybody else's. The friends we imagined married are currently serving missions. Those of us that thought we wanted to attend school somewhere have since discovered they were needed elsewhere (*cough* me *cough*).

Then, there are the friends that are happily married (those included in the time capsule and those not).

I remember one of my closest friends began seriously dating someone she had met while attending school. She told me all about how much he loved and cared for her and how happy he made her. I couldn't wait to meet him.

I hated him.

Almost every time his name was brought up in conversation I was trying to sway her opinion of him; making him sound like a bad guy. I said any and everything to try and make her question this boy.

Despite my best efforts they got married. And I realized I was going to have to either fake that I liked him... or actually try and like him - considering she was now stuck with him for forever.

The situation above has  happened many times. In fact, it's happened as each and every single one of my married (or soon-to-be married) friends has met the man of their dreams.

They excitedly tell me all about the boy and how amazing he is, how kind he treats her, and how special she feels when they're together. I'm happy and excited until I actually meet the man that holds my friends heart captive. I quizzically stare into their eyes and wonder if they're even close to good enough for my dear friend.

And then I begin my mission. Operation: make them break up!!!

I'll admit... I'm not proud that I naturally do this. But I can't help wanting the best for the girls that have been there for me through the ups and downs and the bad and the ugly - because they definitely deserve the best.

I have a close friend very near to becoming engaged. I remember rolling my eyes when I first heard all about their plans. I quickly began playing devils advocate - telling her she should try dating other boys.

While talking one day, we got into an argument. During this momentarily prideful time, I knew she was struggling. She was working crazy hours and trying to fit in time to be at home with her family. She was totally and completely stressed but was somehow managing to function normally throughout the day (I still haven't figured out how to do this myself). She had expressed to me numerous times that she felt lost and didn't know what to do and had asked that I would pray for her.

I'll admit that while I was frustrated with her, I excluded her from my prayers (don't do that - it's lame). At the time, I didn't notice that by not praying for this friend, my heart was becoming more and more hard towards her. I became angrier whenever I thought about her and would often complain, trying to convince myself I didn't want to repair the friendship.

Once the summer ended, she moved back to Idaho where she attends school, with her boyfriend. I began to hear things about her through other friends and realized how much I missed being part of her life. My mind wandered back to the time when she shared her struggles with me and almost instantly, a wave of guilt came over me.

That night, I prayed for her for the first time in weeks. I prayed that she would find answers she was seeking and that she would be able to feel at peace. I prayed that my heart would be softened and that I would know how to fix my mistakes.

Eventually we began talking to each other and I was again reminded that she was still dating the same boy. However, this time I promised myself that I wouldn't try and convince her he wasn't good enough.

I began praying for her boyfriend. I know... it sounds totally bizarre... but it actually works!! I prayed that they both would be able to be successful in school and that the Lord would help them make the right decisions in their life.

Slowly, my idea on my friend marrying this boy began to change. I no longer viewed them as young and naive. Nor did I think he wasn't "good enough" for her or that they weren't ready to make such a commitment.

Instead of pointing out all of the negative or the things that could go wrong... I was realizing all of the reasons why they actually were ready for marriage.

I remembered all of the times when she shared with me spiritual moments from his mission. I remembered all of the nice things he had done for her and said to her. I remember all of the times when she felt totally special and loved.

Instead of seeing this girl as someone not prepared for marriage, I saw a hard working and devoted woman. Someone who had spent her life serving the Lord and working towards becoming the best possible her she could become.

After I began praying for them both, I realized I was becoming more and more excited. I became more accepting of him and even welcomed the idea of them getting married.

The Lord has blessed me with some of the most amazing friends. Friends that I know will forever and always be there for me, even if they're married. My life has been changed because of the individuals the Lord has so graciously placed into my life.

Before graduation I thought life would go according to the paper I filled out and placed in the time capsule shoe box that's hidden in my parents home. I couldn't imagine life turning out to be any different than that.

However, I've come to find out that life has turned out much better than what's written on that piece of paper. And I'm sure all of my friends would agree.

I've watched as numerous close friends and acquaintances have been snatched up and married. Even though I don't think a man will ever be good enough for these incredible individuals, I'm thankful the Lord is here to help me see them through His eyes.

I'm thankful for the experience I was able to have as I've watched this friend approach one of the most important decisions she'll make in her life on this earth. The Lord truly has allowed me to view both of them through His eyes as He's helped soften my heart.

Because these friends are the best of the best, I know that they have or will make the right choices in their lives. I've seen them hand their lives over to the Lord and serve Him day after day. I've seen them learn the importance of hard work. I've seen them grow into individuals the Lord is proud of. And I couldn't be more thankful for their examples to me.

sunday visits to the temple

My favorite time to go to the temple is when it's closed. Why? Because I love spending time outside of the temple enjoying my beautiful surroundings. Obviously I love being inside doing work, as well. But there is just something that I love when I get to spend my time outside.

Ever since we've switched to 9:00 Church I've had gobs and GOBS of time on Sunday's - I'm not quite used to having so much free time. Rather than catching up on Netflix (I'll admit I've done that a few times), I decided to drive to the temple before heading home for dinner with the family.

I usually will walk around the temple or sit on the grass after the sun has set, when they've already turned off the bottom half lights of the temple. Little to no people will stop by that late. However, this time it was 2:00 in the afternoon and it seemed that everybody wanted to walk around the temple. 

I grabbed my book and sat down under a tree and felt a little annoyed at the amount of people that had the same idea as me. I tried to block them out as I read from my book by Brad Wilcox... but it wasn't working. 

Eventually I let out a sigh and shut my book. I sat up and looked around; more people had accumulated over time and I determined I wouldn't be getting in a good study while I was there.

Rather than leaving, I decided to stick around and take in my surroundings. Behind me were two girls, chatting about the day. To my right was a boy and a girl, reading from their scriptures. In front of me a mom and her daughter wearing a white dress were taking pictures. Later, a group of girls came to film a video on how Personal Progress has changed their life and a family came to take a picture sitting on the bench in front of the temple. Countless couples walked hand in hand, pausing every now and then to look at the flowers. Families set up blankets and enjoyed a late lunch. Others sat, like me, reading from scriptures or books.

It was amazing how many people I observed while sitting under my small tree. 

There were a few moments I caught myself smiling. I probably looked dumb, but I couldn't help but feel happy! I kept looking up to the temple and thinking how grateful I was for the knowledge I have that families can be together forever. 

I enjoyed having the stages of family life play out in front of me. I became excited for the future and the beautiful family I could have the opportunity to raise. It was then that I reminded myself that this was a goal of mine: to be worthy to marry and be sealed in the temple to a righteous young man - whenever and to whomever that may be.

I look forward to the day when I will be able to enter into the temple. The thought is exciting and brings so much joy and happiness to my heart. I know that our attendance to the temple will bring us great blessings. We will receive inspiration and revelation and all feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and stress can be relieved. 

I know that the temple is our ultimate goal, no matter how enticing the natural man and world may seem to be. 

The best things in life aren't easily achieved; they require hard work and dedication, patience and time. However, I know that it will all be worth it. I have faith that the Lord will bless us immensely for our hard work and good deeds. I know that if we will make the temple our ultimate goal and always keep it in sight that we will be blessed with more happiness than we can even begin to fathom.

If the temple isn't your current goal - make it so. Put it at the top. Because it's the most important of all. When going inside isn't an option, do what I do and sit outside. You will be blessed even if you're not inside - I promise you that. I know that because of the Atonement, the blessings we receive from the temple can flow into our lives gain if they currently can't. The Lord knows the desires of your heart.

I'm thankful that I was so sweetly reminded of my future goals as I sat in the temple grass. It's things like this that make the hard stuff seem worth it.

five loaves of bread & two fish

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the miracle of Jesus feeding the five thousand with a mere five loaves of bread and two fish. It's a story that is frequently told and often referred to. The miracle itself is quite remarkable and almost incomprehensible to my mind.

The other day we had a man speak in our ward; the emphasis of his talk surrounding this amazing miracle. He began by sharing the story from the book of John in the New Testament:

John 6: 5 - 13
5. When Jesus then lifted up his eyes, and saw a great company come unto him, he saith unto Philip, Whence shall we buy bread, that these may eat?
6. And this he said to prove him: for he himself knew what he would do.
7. Philip answered him, Two hundred pennyworth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may take a little.
8. One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, saith unto him,
9. There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but what are they among so many?
10. And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand.
11. And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fishes as much as they would.
12. When they were filled, he said unto his disciples, Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost.
13. Therefore they gathered them together, and filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the give barley loaves, which remained over and above unto them that had eaten.

His focus then turned to the young lad that provided the five loaves of barley bread and the two fish. The speaker looked up from his scriptures and said,

"Am I expected to believe that absolutely not one of those five thousand people had not even a single speck of food?" 

He went on to explain that his personal belief was that there was probably more food to be found in the small pockets or bags that belonged to the company sitting upon the grass. Once approached by the disciples, the person probably had a few thoughts running through his mind:

"I have a wife and children to feed."

"I am poor. I can't give up what little food I have."

"I have not enough."

Whatever thoughts crossed their minds, they informed the disciples that there wasn't a crumb of food to be spared. We know that the disciples finally found the 'young lad' that gave up his five loaves of bread and two fish to be shared with the company of people.

The speaker continued to apply this story and his personal thoughts and beliefs to our own lives; as members of the Church we are asked to sacrifice a great deal. We give 10% of all our income. We're asked to accept callings and expect nothing in return. Our precious time is given to a friend in need. Home - cooked meals are made for the family who's father just passed away. Talents are practiced and perfected and shared with those around us. Members serve months spreading the good word of the Gospel.

When approached with the decision to lend a helping hand, or to work or serve, what are we thinking?

"I work to provide for my family all day. I haven't the time."

"I lack the talent."

"Someone could do a much better job than I."

"I haven't enough to give."

We have been placed on the world in this time and place for purposes that only He is aware of. Our Savior, Jesus Christ gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we would have somewhere to turn when feelings of doubt and inadequacy surfaced. He suffered in Gethsemane so that we would have someone to run to when no one else could possibly understand. He died on the cross so that we could be forgiven of our sins and return to live in His presence once our time on this earth had passed.

He has given us all He has to offer. Should we not do the same? We owe Him more than we are capable to give, yet I'm sure He is grateful when we give what little we have.

"You may sometimes be tempted to say, 'Will my influence make any difference? I am just one. Will my service affect the work that dramatically?' I testify to you that it will. You will never be able to measure your influence for good." -President Thomas S. Monson

I believe that to be true. There is no way to know how much good you do in the world. No way to measure the joy felt by the person that received your happy smile in the hallway yesterday. There is no way to know the amount of relief experienced by the mother of the two little boys you're babysitting for an hour so she can take a break. It is nearly impossible to measure the amount of appreciation being felt by the elderly man as you help him weed his garden.

You never know how much good you do by just doing the little things.

I promise that if you will make your time and talents available to the Lord and the hastening of His work that you will be blessed. There will always be someone with more time. There will always be someone that is better or has had more life experience. If you keep telling yourself your contribution will make no difference, it won't.

"You have two hands. One to help yourself, the second to help others." -Audrey Hepburn

I believe we have so much to give. There is goodness within us. I know we will be blessed for the sacrifices we make - no matter how small or insignificant they may seem; because in the eyes of the Lord, they are great. And they make a world of difference for those around us.

So. Will you be the young lad?