the ledge

My family goes to St. George every summer and each visit is typically the same as the last: swim in the hotel pool, watch a performance at the Tuacahn Theater, and hike around the red rocks. One year, a neighboring family came along and guaranteed that there were far more entertaining things to do besides our usual, mundane festivities. We excitedly anticipated the trip and wondered what could possibly be in store now that we were in the hands of far more experienced “St. George – goers”. One of the activities we were promised was the exhilarating adventure of experiencing an underground cave. I listened intently as the family excitedly spoke of the magical cave at the end of the tunnel we would be hiking through. Upon arriving at the small opening in the ground, I peered over the sandy edge. My eyes widened with excitement and a smile spread across my face. How cool is this?! I thought.

I jumped off of the small ledge and began my decent, deep into the cave. The warmth of the sun slowly began to dim as we continued further. To ensure my safety, I gripped on to any rock or crevice that I could as I inched along the sandy path. There were often large ledges that required us to jump and steep drop offs that made it nearly impossible to stand upright on our feet. Sharp rocks and edges poked out from the walls, resulting in little scratches on my arms and legs.My stomach started to form small, jumbled knots. I wondered if venturing deeper and deeper into the earth would prove to be worth it. Eventually, a little voice asked the question that I didn’t dare: “Are we almost there?” A deeper, more mature voice answered by saying, “Almost! It will be amazing, I promise!” The further we went, the darker it became. Yet, I pressed onward, eager to see the miraculous end.

After what seemed like an eternity, the end was finally in sight. I quickly climbed up and over the last large rock and looked around. I was surrounded by darkness. I blinked a few times, straining my eyes to see the miraculous cave I was earlier promised. This can’t possibly be the end. I turned around in circles, looking at the bland, grey rocks of the cave. It was anything but incredible or awesome. A few moments had passed and we decided to travel back up the path. I turned around and peered up at the first ledge I would have to get onto. Nervous butterflies fluttered around in my stomach as I tried to gulp down the lump that had formed in my throat. I watched as everyone ahead of me seemed to effortlessly climb up onto the ledge as they received help from those around them. I approached the ledge, reached up, and grabbed the sandy rock. I attempted to pull my body up but didn’t have the strength.

I loosened my grip and took a step back, putting my hands on my hips. My body flooded with worry and tears started to sting my eyes. I was now further behind the rest of the group and couldn’t pull myself up onto the ledge. I wondered how it could be so easy to get so deep, yet so hard to get back out.

Just as the first tear started to spill from my eye, I felt a strong arm grip my shoulder. I peered around and saw the gentle face of my father. He smiled as he knelt down, giving me his knee to boost me up. A wave of relief flooded over me. I approached the ledge and stepped onto my dad’s knee. I began to lose my balance and the panic instantly welled up inside my chest. Before jumping off, I felt two arms grab my waist. I looked behind; it was my mother. I took a deep breath and mustered the strength to pull myself up with the guidance of my two parents. A moment later I found myself peering down at my mom and dad, as I sat atop the ledge. The tears started to freely fall as I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get out of this cave alone, but that I could with help.

I’ve gone back to this experience numerous times throughout my life. I remember a time in particular where I was struggling with some of the decisions I was making and was well aware of the dark path that I so aimlessly and easily wandered down. It seemed as if the things of the world were far more enticing than keeping the commandments or simply reading my scriptures and saying my prayers were. 

Much like the sunlight slowly dimming as I ventured deeper into the cave, the light of the Gospel gradually subsided in my life. I didn't know what was at the end of the path I had chosen, but the voices of the world suggested it was "amazing" "astounding" and "incredible". However, traveling further proved otherwise. The enthusiasm for something new and exciting was quickly replaced with worry and doubt as I questioned my decision to travel the way that I was. Yet despite these negative feelings, I pressed forward. 

Eventually I realized that this path gave me little happiness. The grandeur that I assumed would fill my life proved to be disappointing. No longer wanting to be in this dark-filled cave, I began my climb back out, and it didn't take long for me to come to the realization that this would be much more difficult to get out of than it was to get in. I approached my first "ledge" and struggled to get up and over it. I took a step back and looked at all that I had to do in order to get back to where I knew true happiness lied. The thought quickly became overwhelming and doubt began to fill my mind.

You've come too far now, you might as well just stay where you're at.

There's so much that you have to do - it will take forever for you to get out.

In the moments filled with doubt and fear, I found myself falling to my knees and bowing my head, reaching out to my Father in Heaven for the first time in what felt like forever. Crying out in desperation, I felt a warm peace come over me, almost as if a strong arm had gripped my shoulder, assuring me that all would be okay. No longer did the journey back seem impossible. 

This time, I approached the first ledge with much more valor and strength, knowing that I wasn't alone. 

Eventually I was able to make it out of the sandy cave. Each ledge had it's own difficulties and I seemed to struggle with doubt as I approached each one, but before the seed of worry could grow any larger, the hands of my parents appeared to help guide me up and over. The closer I got to the opening of the cave, the more I could feel the warm sunlight on my skin. Hope filled my body as I realized that I was almost to the opening of the cave. A wave of relief washed over me as soon as I found myself standing, peering over the sandy edge and down into the dark cave. Cuts and bruises stung my arms and legs, yet the happiness I felt from enduring the struggle of getting out made all pain disappear. 

Getting out of my "spiritual" cave proved to be similar to pulling myself out of this sandy cave in St. George. Each "ledge" I found myself approaching had it's own difficulties and struggles, yet there was always a knee to step onto or a hand to hold. Any moments filled with fear or worry were quickly replaced with the warm peace of a gentle hand on my shoulder. Eventually a light of hope began to find it's way into my life again, causing me to continue pushing forwards. Eventually I found myself back on a path filled with happiness, able to peer down at my trials. The "cuts" and "bruises" that were now a part of me became a reminder of the struggles and difficulties that were necessary to overcome in order to be back where I now was.

As I look back on the trials that I've gone through during my time on this earth, I can't help but be filled with so much gratitude. I believe that we often feel alone when we venture off the straight and narrow - it becomes easy to believe that the Lord is no longer with us when we aren't doing what we know we ought to. However, I know that the Lord is always with us. Because of our Agency, we have the power to choose whether we will accept His help or not, and the moment that we decide to take His hand, I know that He will be there, ready to lend His knee or a helping hand.

Exciting Happenings!

Boy, oh boy! SO much has happened! And I've completely neglected to write anything.... so, fair warning: long blog post and picture overload ahead.....

Our family went to St. George during Spring break. It was nice to get away from work for  a few days! We had a good time hiking, going out to dinner, swimming and being together.

We went to Brick Oven for dinner one night and were playing a game called "Heads Up" on my phone. A family full of boys started playing with us - this little one climbed up on my lap. I made a new friend! He told me he'd even draw me a map to his house so I could come find him. What a cutie.

We went and got ice cream one night and asked for all mini's - we ended up getting all large's! Way too much ice cream......

I was so incredibly blessed with so many amazing friends. Every single one of them has helped bless my life in more ways than they can even imagine. 

We had just got home from Morgan's wedding and were having fun with Callie's selfie stick.

This beautiful lady in the middle is such a great example to me!! She has been through a great deal and now manages to live every day with a smile on her face and joy in her heart. She is so strong and courageous and I couldn't be more thankful to get to be a part of her life! She was my first friend upon moving to Utah and still remains to be a good friend of mine. My other friend, Marissa, has been there through the thick and thin with us both! The three of us have been together for years now and I've loved every moment with them both.

Jamie, Mary, Megan and I went on a little road trip after Stake Conference a few weeks ago. We went all around the lake and stopped at a really cool abandoned factory. I feel so honored and blessed to get to not only work with, but be friends with these amazing women!!

Kayla got married!! This young woman has been a fantastic example to me throughout our time knowing each other. I can't believe she's already married! But I'm so excited for her to start this new journey in her life. She made an amazingly beautiful bride and will be an outstanding wife and someday, mother. Thank you for your example to me, Kayla!

Sydnee went to Prom!! She looked absolutely stunning in her dress. So thankful for three fun sisters.

EmmaLee got her mission call!! I love this picture of her. I was so happy to be a part of her call opening!!

All the high school girls that were there supporting Emm.

EmmaLee has been a dear friend of mine for a few years now. We didn't really get to know each other until we were Sophomore's, but we've been playing flute together since seventh grade. I remember being so jealous of her while we were in band together! Now look at us... :). She has been an amazing example to me and still is every single day. She inspires me and helps me to see my potential - I couldn't be more thankful for her! I'm so excited for her to have the chance to serve a mission for the LDS church. I know she'll do many amazing things while serving in Indianapolis, Indiana.... I'm happy I get her for a few more months!!!

This right here... is the Westlake marching thunder for the 2015 marching band season!! We have more color guard that weren't in this picture, but look how big we're getting?! Yesterday we had our first basics camp. It was a long day, but already they're sounding so good!! I'm excited to see where this season takes us as we work hard and progress! I have twelve cute flute players that I'm looking forward to getting to know and work with. Here's to a great season!! SO excited!! :D

Family Trip to Wyoming

This past weekend I went to Jackson Hole Wyoming with my cute family. It had been almost 7 weeks since I had seen them, so seeing them was very exciting for me. They came and picked me up at BYU-Idaho on Wednesday and we drove to our little condo in Wyoming where we'd be staying until Sunday morning. Thursday, we went four-wheeling for four hours! I absolutely LOVE four-wheeling and had a blast driving on the windy paths with my family.

Ashlyn and I rode together a majority of the time. She got to drive for a little bit and it scared me SO bad! But I'm a little reckless myself so I'm sure she was every bit as nervous with my driving as I was with her.

All of us lookin' like some pretty legit bandits

Sydnee and I. Love this girl to pieces!! Even if we do have our moments.... ;)

All the girls. I didn't realize how much I missed spending time with these crazies until we were messing around and goofing off.

Friday we went water rafting. It was SO much fun! I was a little nervous to begin with but once we got going I was wanting bigger and bigger waves.

                                      

The whole fam all geared up.

In our mighty attractive wet suits.....

They had a photographer that took pictures of each raft on the biggest part of the river.

Saturday was my homework day..... lot's and LOT'S of math assignments to do. But once all that was done and out of the way, we went swimming at Jackson's rec center and then went to a shoot out and rodeo. 

Ashlyn and I

Sydnee and I

Ash and I

Mom, Hollie & I

Mom and I

Sydnee, me, and Hollie

Sydnee and I. I love this picture :D

I'm so thankful to have been blessed with such an amazing family! I have some pretty great siblings and parents that love each of us so much. I had such a fun weekend and already miss my family like crazy!!! Still loving my time here in Idaho though! Can't believe we're more than half way done with the semester already. 

A few weeks ago two of my close friends (Melanie Rugg & Kayla Jackson) came to BYU-Idaho to visit me!! I'm so happy we were able to make that work! I had such a fun time with these two beautiful girls. Love you both!!

I walked in the door from a concert I had that night, wearing my black concert dress. There was a masquerade ball that night and Mel and Kayla wanted to go. Who wouldn't?! It's a college dance and there are men there. LOL. I argued I had no dress but before I knew it we were walking out of the apartment towards this masquerade and I was wearing my concert dress... 

We thought the masks made us look like ducks

We walked up to the temple Monday morning. It was beautiful that day!! Didn't even wear a jacket!

So grateful for these two gorgeous girls in my life!!

Me and two of my roomies!! So thankful for them!

Walking around the gardens-wish it was spring time!!

Visiting the bird. Today it was mean!

Isabel bought a fruit cup from the cross roads and I had the oven on making spaghetti, so she decided to grill her pineapple. 

Isabel and I started working out together and eating better. Today we were sitting on the couch doing homework and she looked up from her computer and folded her arms and looked at the ground and said: "Cambri, I have a confession." I looked up at her and she said "Yesterday at the crossroads... I bought a pie" and she looked away from me. I laughed for at least ten minutes. Never a dull moment with this girl!

Home #1 & Home #2

This weekend I got to leave my home #2, and go to home #1!!! I was SO excited to see my siblings and grandma. My parents were in Hawaii but decided to surprise everyone else anyways. I had so much fun sleeping with Dallin and Hollie (in a comfy bed!!) and hanging out with Grandma! So grateful I'm not too far away.

Sure do love my family and miss them to pieces!!! Can't wait to see them again in just a few short weeks! :D

Hollie and I ran to Wal Mart one night to grab a few things and decided to take a detour through the jewelry section where we tried on engagement rings. I took a pic and sent it to my roommates back in Rexburg with an excited text: "Look what just happened!!!!! :) :) :) :)" to which I got many excited, confused and worried texts back. 

Upon arriving back to Home #2, Isabel...... was "activated"..... apparently I bring out a different side of her when I'm around.

Tonight after FHE we made a chain and wrote down quotes and fun memories and hung it up on our wall. Only 72 more days until Winter Semester is over! Woot!

Finally got decorations up!!