am i worth refining?

This past week I had the opportunity to attend BYU Women's Conference with some members in my extended family. The day started in the Marriott Center with Sister Linda K Burton, General Relief Society President of the Church, where she addressed the thousands of women who were there to be inspired, uplifted, and spiritually fed. The rest of the day was filled with messages from individuals like Jenny Oaks Baker, Hilary Weeks, John Bytheway and countless other motivating speakers (I felt like I was walking around with celebrities - needless to say I was one very happy girl).

After being introduced to the theme of the conference, "One In Charity", my mom and I ran (literally) to the BYU Bookstore, the most important building we'd be in all day (*please note sarcasm*), so that we could stock up on the two things that would sustain us for the next few hours: peanut m&m's and chocolate covered cinnamon bears.

With our goodies in hand, we sat down in the Smith Fieldhouse and patiently waited for the speakers to come through. Even though I've never met him personally, Brad Wilcox is one of my all time favorite people that currently live on this planet (he wrote my favorite book, "The Continuous Atonement", which has it's own blog post that you can read by clicking here). It's been a dream of mine for the past little while to hear him speak (my next dream is to shake his hand), and on Thursday, that dream came true.

me and my beautiful momma

He shared of a time when he felt as though he wasn't deserving of God's love; he assumed that those around him were more entitled than he was to receive the blessings that come from our loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He explained that he was living through the motions of going to Church, reading his scriptures, and saying his prayers, yet he felt like God just wasn't there. Then he said something that I could easily relate to: "I felt like God already knew the outcome of my life, and I assumed that the outcome would be that I wouldn't make it. So why would God put me through a refiner's fire if I weren't worth refining?"

Let me say that last part again, "Why would God put me through a refiner's fire if I weren't worth refining?"

The question made me think. A lot. My mind went back to a time when I had similar feelings coursing through my brain. I'd often wonder if going through the trials and struggles that I was going through (and would inevitably go through in the future years to come) would be worth it if God already knew that I wasn't going to make it anyways. Why should I spend time learning and progressing when it might not actually be worth it?

my mom, me and three of my aunts

And then Brad answered the question: "He loves us because he has to. He loves us because He is bound to."

In his book, "The Continuous Atonement", Brad recounts this experience in Chapter Seven, "Who Made God the Enemy?" He explains it beautifully: "Some may not find much comfort in that thought (that God is bound to love us), but for me it was a realization that brought tremendous relief, peace, and security. God is bound to love me. It is his nature to love perfectly and infinitely. He is bound to love me - not because I am good, but because He is good... No matter how deficient and beyond recovery I thought I was, God was bound to love me. No matter how many balls I had juggled and let fall, no matter how much weight I had gained, how much lack of self - control I demonstrated, and how many regrets I carried from the past, He was bound to love me. No matter what my future might turn out to be, He is bound to love me."

Elder Jefferey R. Holland wrote in his book, "Trusting Jesus", "Just because God is God, just because Christ is Christ, they cannot do other than care for us and bless us and help us if we will but come unto them, approaching their throne of grace in meekness and lowliness of heart. They can't help but bless us. They have to. It is their nature."

The Lord has confidence in us. He has confidence in me, which means that He has confidence in you. You wouldn't be here, on this earth, if God didn't think that you weren't worth refining. Our loving brother, Jesus Christ, wouldn't suffer for the pains and afflictions of this world if we weren't worth it. I believe there is a reason we go through the things that we do. I know that my past experiences have led me to become the person that I am today and that the only way I can keep growing and gaining knowledge is if I continue to go through the refiner's fire that will eventually lead me to perfection in the next life to come.

I know that, at times, life can seem difficult. Sometimes it may even seem impossible. The struggles and trials that we face on a daily basis can make it seem like the easiest option would be to simply give up. However, I promise that if you will put your faith and trust in and with the Lord, your weaknesses can and will become your strengths, bad days will come to an end, and you will feel the love that our Savior and Heavenly Father have for you.

If we do our part, and let the Savior do His, countless blessings and an abundance of joy will surely come our way.

"In the end, everything will be alright. And if everything isn't alright, then it's not the end."

* * *

"The refiner's fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God."

-Quentin L. Cook 

("The Songs They Could Not Sing" October General Conference 2011)

the ledge

My family goes to St. George every summer and each visit is typically the same as the last: swim in the hotel pool, watch a performance at the Tuacahn Theater, and hike around the red rocks. One year, a neighboring family came along and guaranteed that there were far more entertaining things to do besides our usual, mundane festivities. We excitedly anticipated the trip and wondered what could possibly be in store now that we were in the hands of far more experienced “St. George – goers”. One of the activities we were promised was the exhilarating adventure of experiencing an underground cave. I listened intently as the family excitedly spoke of the magical cave at the end of the tunnel we would be hiking through. Upon arriving at the small opening in the ground, I peered over the sandy edge. My eyes widened with excitement and a smile spread across my face. How cool is this?! I thought.

I jumped off of the small ledge and began my decent, deep into the cave. The warmth of the sun slowly began to dim as we continued further. To ensure my safety, I gripped on to any rock or crevice that I could as I inched along the sandy path. There were often large ledges that required us to jump and steep drop offs that made it nearly impossible to stand upright on our feet. Sharp rocks and edges poked out from the walls, resulting in little scratches on my arms and legs.My stomach started to form small, jumbled knots. I wondered if venturing deeper and deeper into the earth would prove to be worth it. Eventually, a little voice asked the question that I didn’t dare: “Are we almost there?” A deeper, more mature voice answered by saying, “Almost! It will be amazing, I promise!” The further we went, the darker it became. Yet, I pressed onward, eager to see the miraculous end.

After what seemed like an eternity, the end was finally in sight. I quickly climbed up and over the last large rock and looked around. I was surrounded by darkness. I blinked a few times, straining my eyes to see the miraculous cave I was earlier promised. This can’t possibly be the end. I turned around in circles, looking at the bland, grey rocks of the cave. It was anything but incredible or awesome. A few moments had passed and we decided to travel back up the path. I turned around and peered up at the first ledge I would have to get onto. Nervous butterflies fluttered around in my stomach as I tried to gulp down the lump that had formed in my throat. I watched as everyone ahead of me seemed to effortlessly climb up onto the ledge as they received help from those around them. I approached the ledge, reached up, and grabbed the sandy rock. I attempted to pull my body up but didn’t have the strength.

I loosened my grip and took a step back, putting my hands on my hips. My body flooded with worry and tears started to sting my eyes. I was now further behind the rest of the group and couldn’t pull myself up onto the ledge. I wondered how it could be so easy to get so deep, yet so hard to get back out.

Just as the first tear started to spill from my eye, I felt a strong arm grip my shoulder. I peered around and saw the gentle face of my father. He smiled as he knelt down, giving me his knee to boost me up. A wave of relief flooded over me. I approached the ledge and stepped onto my dad’s knee. I began to lose my balance and the panic instantly welled up inside my chest. Before jumping off, I felt two arms grab my waist. I looked behind; it was my mother. I took a deep breath and mustered the strength to pull myself up with the guidance of my two parents. A moment later I found myself peering down at my mom and dad, as I sat atop the ledge. The tears started to freely fall as I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get out of this cave alone, but that I could with help.

I’ve gone back to this experience numerous times throughout my life. I remember a time in particular where I was struggling with some of the decisions I was making and was well aware of the dark path that I so aimlessly and easily wandered down. It seemed as if the things of the world were far more enticing than keeping the commandments or simply reading my scriptures and saying my prayers were. 

Much like the sunlight slowly dimming as I ventured deeper into the cave, the light of the Gospel gradually subsided in my life. I didn't know what was at the end of the path I had chosen, but the voices of the world suggested it was "amazing" "astounding" and "incredible". However, traveling further proved otherwise. The enthusiasm for something new and exciting was quickly replaced with worry and doubt as I questioned my decision to travel the way that I was. Yet despite these negative feelings, I pressed forward. 

Eventually I realized that this path gave me little happiness. The grandeur that I assumed would fill my life proved to be disappointing. No longer wanting to be in this dark-filled cave, I began my climb back out, and it didn't take long for me to come to the realization that this would be much more difficult to get out of than it was to get in. I approached my first "ledge" and struggled to get up and over it. I took a step back and looked at all that I had to do in order to get back to where I knew true happiness lied. The thought quickly became overwhelming and doubt began to fill my mind.

You've come too far now, you might as well just stay where you're at.

There's so much that you have to do - it will take forever for you to get out.

In the moments filled with doubt and fear, I found myself falling to my knees and bowing my head, reaching out to my Father in Heaven for the first time in what felt like forever. Crying out in desperation, I felt a warm peace come over me, almost as if a strong arm had gripped my shoulder, assuring me that all would be okay. No longer did the journey back seem impossible. 

This time, I approached the first ledge with much more valor and strength, knowing that I wasn't alone. 

Eventually I was able to make it out of the sandy cave. Each ledge had it's own difficulties and I seemed to struggle with doubt as I approached each one, but before the seed of worry could grow any larger, the hands of my parents appeared to help guide me up and over. The closer I got to the opening of the cave, the more I could feel the warm sunlight on my skin. Hope filled my body as I realized that I was almost to the opening of the cave. A wave of relief washed over me as soon as I found myself standing, peering over the sandy edge and down into the dark cave. Cuts and bruises stung my arms and legs, yet the happiness I felt from enduring the struggle of getting out made all pain disappear. 

Getting out of my "spiritual" cave proved to be similar to pulling myself out of this sandy cave in St. George. Each "ledge" I found myself approaching had it's own difficulties and struggles, yet there was always a knee to step onto or a hand to hold. Any moments filled with fear or worry were quickly replaced with the warm peace of a gentle hand on my shoulder. Eventually a light of hope began to find it's way into my life again, causing me to continue pushing forwards. Eventually I found myself back on a path filled with happiness, able to peer down at my trials. The "cuts" and "bruises" that were now a part of me became a reminder of the struggles and difficulties that were necessary to overcome in order to be back where I now was.

As I look back on the trials that I've gone through during my time on this earth, I can't help but be filled with so much gratitude. I believe that we often feel alone when we venture off the straight and narrow - it becomes easy to believe that the Lord is no longer with us when we aren't doing what we know we ought to. However, I know that the Lord is always with us. Because of our Agency, we have the power to choose whether we will accept His help or not, and the moment that we decide to take His hand, I know that He will be there, ready to lend His knee or a helping hand.

what will i give?

This is my absolute favorite time of year (aside from the beautiful fall season). The crisp chill in the air. The piping hot chocolate. Silver Bells. Candy canes and peppermint sticks. Chocolate oranges. Icicles. The mittens and ear muffs. Marshmallow puffy coats. The sleds and snow boards. The rosy red cheeks and ears. Caroling. Temple square. Letters to Santa. Christmas wreaths and trees. The twinkling lights. Nativity scenes. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Secret Santa's and coat drives. Red and green. The family gatherings and parties. Ugly sweaters. Ice skating and igloos. Boots and scarves. The crackling fire place. Countdowns and Christmas chains. The crisp, white snow. Presents under the tree. Santa Clause at the Mall. Sales and discounts. Kisses under the mistletoe. Snow angels. Gingerbread houses. The Grinch and Cindy Lou Who. Apple Cider. Stockings and garland. New pajamas. The smell of oranges and cinnamon.

With all of the hustle and bustle it can sometimes be hard to focus on the real meaning of the season. I know that I've found myself caught up in the worry of wondering what gift to buy. Or making sure that I don't miss the big Christmas sale at the store. I get wound up in wanting everything to be perfectly perfect that I tend to forget to think about what truly matters.

A few weeks ago I was asked to teach the relief society lesson and I only had a day to prepare before I got up in front of a large group of single women. The topic I was assigned focused a lot on Christ's life. I began reading about each of the many different attributes our Savior and Brother possessed...

Patience. Humility. Knowledge. Virtue. Temperance. Love. Kindness. Faith. Long suffering. Charity. Hope. Brotherly kindness. Godliness. Diligence. Obedience. Service. Good works. Forgiveness.

And oh so much more.

I couldn't help but feel completely overwhelmed as I realized all of the pain, suffering, mockery, and afflictions that our Savior endured during His life on earth.

Yet, despite all of the many trials He experienced, He maintained patience. He forgave. He reflected hope. He served. He emulated the light of our Father in Heaven. He was charitable. He loved. He was kind. And  He was good.

I began to think of all of the little things that happen on a daily basis that cause me to so easily lose my patience. Or my temper. I thought of all the minuscule things that make it so simple to say an unkind thing or think an unkind thought. I'm certain that that magnitude of what our Savior went through greatly surpasses anything that I will ever experience.

My heart was filled with gratitude for my Savior. I was again reminded of not just the pain and suffering He experienced, but of all the miracles He performed and the goodness He shared. My memory was refreshed of the blessings and the light that have come from His life.

I sat at my computer, reading once more what I would be sharing the next day in relief society. It was a perfect start to the Christmas season - reminding myself of what truly matters most: the life of our Savior.

"When we keep the spirit of Christmas, we keep the Spirit of Christ, for the Christmas spirit is the Christ Spirit." -Thomas S. Monson

With Christmas only a few short days away, I challenge each of us to keep the Spirit of Christ in our Christmas spirit. It's easy to overlook the sweet baby boy born that long time ago to Mary and Joseph in the stable full of farm animals. Easy to forget the miracles He performed and the goodness He spread wherever He walked. Easy to forget the lives He touched. The lives He changed.

It's easy to forget when we're replacing our gratitude with thoughts of getting presents or making the best pie for the ward Christmas party.

I hope that as we continue to experience this magical time of year, that we take a few moments out of our crazy schedules to express our gratitude to our loving Savior, Jesus Christ and reflect on His beautiful life. He truly is in every single detail of not just this Christmas season, but every single day of our lives.

I hope that as we seek out gifts for our loved ones, that we will also make the time to give to our Savior. By lending a helping hand to the elderly man shoveling his snow in the cold. By sharing our goodies with the widow a few doors down. By giving to those that have less than us. By sharing our precious time with someone in need. Or by making a promise to practice patience. A goal to strive to learn more of Christ. Or time spent enveloped in the scriptures and the words of our prophets.

"What will you and I give for Christmas this year? Let us in our lives give to our Lord and Savior the gift of gratitude by living His teachings and following His footsteps." -Thomas S. Monson

I hope that while you're enjoying this most wonderful time of year, that you pause for just a brief moment and ask yourself what you will be giving for Christmas this year to the One who has given you everything.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!


Click here to watch "A Savior is Born" video - my favorite part of this video is the joy and respect that come from the children's faces and voices. You can see the love that they have for Christ.

Click here to watch a video on the Attributes of Christ

Share the good news of the Gospel!

afraid to wear a t - shirt

I have this shirt. It's red. And it says "PORN KILLS LOVE" in large white lettering.

I have other shirts from this same organization; a black one that says, "Become a fighter, change begins with one" and a blue one that says, "Don't fill your head with lies". I've worn these two shirts on multiple occasions and always get some questions as to the meaning behind them. I've even gotten random strangers telling me how great it is that I'm repping the movement of Fight the New Drug.

But for some odd reason, wearing the well - known red "Porn Kills Love" t - shirt has proven to be quite difficult.

You see... the blue and black shirts tend to blend in easier with the crowd - I can walk around wearing either of them and at first glance it just looks like one of my old high school t - shirts.

But everybody knows about the "Porn Kills Love" shirt - you don't even have to read it to already know what it says.

Don't get me wrong... I love the shirt! It's probably in the top 5 of my most favorite t - shirts (yes... I do rank my clothing in order of favorite to least favorite)! I wear it to bed all the time; but when the laundry hasn't been done and my supply of shirts to wear to the gym is running low... my red "porn kills love" t - shirt isn't even considered. When it's time to go to band practice? Anything BUT the red shirt. And Saturday morning math class where looking like a slob is totally acceptable because of the inhumane hour that it's being held? The shirt is not so lovingly tossed aside and I'm forced to sift through dirty clothes in order to find something to wear.

Why?

I've never been one to really care much about what people think of me. The confidence that I have in myself, my standards, and values are much greater than any comment or thought that someone could think or say to me.

But, simply put: I was afraid to stick out. I was afraid of being noticed; wearing this shirt brought me out of my "Cambri comfort zone". Every time I put it on in the morning, the thoughts of what people might think of me if they saw me wearing it would wander through my head...

Why is she wearing that?

What is she thinking making a statement like that?

Does she really believe that?

I first came across "Fight the New Drug" earlier in 2015. Immediately I was intrigued by what I was reading. Pornography is like a drug? Wow! How? And I kept reading all that the website had to offer. How have I never heard all this stuff? As I continued navigating around this website, I found all of the many great things that this company was doing for the countless people with loved ones struggling with pornography as well as those who struggle themselves. Reading the real - life stories from people who knew all too well about the harmful effects of pornography became something I did during my free time. It amazed me to see all of the kind words that people who didn't even know each other shared with those who were struggling.

After supporting this organization for numerous months, I decided it was time to buy one of their many t - shirts. I knew that the "Porn Kills Love" shirt was the most popular of all, but didn't think I was ready to make such a bold statement - so I bought my two other Fight the New Drug shirts instead.

However, every time I went back to the website, I found myself wanting to buy the shirt.

So one day I did! And a few days later my t - shirt showed up in the mail. My heart started to beat a little faster as I opened the clear packaging. I was excited, but also nervous. I fully support and love what this organization does for people but was completely nervous to wear this shirt out in public for fear of what others might think.

So the shirt stayed in my dresser drawer for quite some time. I didn't even try it on.

Eventually I forgot about the t - shirt until it showed up in my laundry a few weeks later. I lifted it up and looked at it. I held it there for a moment and cocked my head to one side. Why am I so afraid to wear this shirt?

It took me sitting in my parents laundry room holding up a very neglected t - shirt to realize that this had the adversary written all over it. I scolded my lack of courage and decided I would wear the shirt out in public.

I'm reminded of the popular Mormon Message from our sweet Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson entitled: Dare to Stand Alone (watch it here).

While my itty bitty predicament was not the same as President Monson's, it had its similarities. Watching this simple message often makes me wonder if I would have the courage to stand all alone or if I would back out and go with another group.

While it isn't the exact same, not wearing my red "Porn Kills Love" t - shirt because I was afraid of what others would think of me, answers the question of whether or not I would stand alone or shamefully leave to join another group and their Sunday activities.

Now, I understand that this is just a t - shirt and that in the grand scheme of things it probably doesn't even matter all that much, but it sure has seemed to cause quite the ruckus. The nervous butterflies that accompanied wearing the shirt outside of my bedroom caused me to wonder if it was actually worth it.

I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror and, for a brief moment, contemplated taking it off. But I didn't. And I wore it all day. I went to the parentals in it. And out in public. I even posted a picture on social media - I was feelin' gutsy.

I quickly realized that wearing this shirt helped me to feel a sense of pride; I was wearing something that showed a portion of my beliefs and I wasn't afraid of it anymore! All of the sudden, sticking out like a sore thumb or wondering what other people were thinking about me wasn't on the forefront of my thoughts. 

As members of the Church, I believe that we are supposed to stick out - but for good reasons, of course. In Peter 2:9 we're referred to as a 'peculiar' people. Even back then they knew we'd be oddballs!

The trick is to realize that being the one sticking out of the "popular crowd" is actually cool!

I've always known that the commandments and guidelines set by our Prophets and other Church leaders are here to help us and keep us safe and protected. I'm a firm believer that God would never have us do anything that would harm us or slow down our progression to our ultimate goal: perfection.

Because of the commandments, principals, guidelines, and suggestions - Mormons are most often the odd man out (unless you live in Utah or Rexburg). If followed correctly, we're meant to stand out. Meant to stick out like a sore thumb. Meant to cause people to question our actions. Meant to make people wonder what we're all about.

"When you keep the commandments and follow the Savior's example, it's like holding up a light. Your good example helps others to find their way in a darkened world." -Ardeth G. Kapp

Now, I know that Fight the New Drug is not directly associated with the LDS church, but it sure does follow and go along with what we believe! It's designed to help people find relief and freedom from something that's holding them captive - no matter how deep in they are. While wearing my red shirt doesn't show my beliefs directly - it does in some small part. It's caused people to ask questions and wonder why I support such a group. I've found that numerous missionary opportunities have come from simply wearing this shirt.

After having seen all of the positive events that occur from wearing a shirt makes me wonder why I ever worried to wear it in the first place!

I've had many challenges and experiences that have helped me to see that being a Mormon is actually the cool thing to do and be. Trifling and dabbling with the things of the world can seem fun - but that fun is only temporary and doesn't even begin to compare to the happiness and blessings that one can obtain from faithfully living the Gospel standards.

Don't be afraid of wearing a t - shirt that represents a small portion of who and what you are. For that matter, don't be afraid of anything that shows what you stand for.

I challenge each and every one of us to follow President Monson's council: "Dare to be a Mormon. Dare to stand alone. Dare to have a purpose firm. Dare to make it known!"

 ***

Check out the Fight the New Drug website! It's really cool!

The LDS Church holds support meetings for those directly and not directly affected by pornography. They follow 12 steps that can help provide relief to those struggling. These steps can be and are a blessing to anybody.

five loaves of bread & two fish

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the miracle of Jesus feeding the five thousand with a mere five loaves of bread and two fish. It's a story that is frequently told and often referred to. The miracle itself is quite remarkable and almost incomprehensible to my mind.

The other day we had a man speak in our ward; the emphasis of his talk surrounding this amazing miracle. He began by sharing the story from the book of John in the New Testament:

John 6: 5 - 13
5. When Jesus then lifted up his eyes, and saw a great company come unto him, he saith unto Philip, Whence shall we buy bread, that these may eat?
6. And this he said to prove him: for he himself knew what he would do.
7. Philip answered him, Two hundred pennyworth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may take a little.
8. One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, saith unto him,
9. There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but what are they among so many?
10. And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand.
11. And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fishes as much as they would.
12. When they were filled, he said unto his disciples, Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost.
13. Therefore they gathered them together, and filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the give barley loaves, which remained over and above unto them that had eaten.

His focus then turned to the young lad that provided the five loaves of barley bread and the two fish. The speaker looked up from his scriptures and said,

"Am I expected to believe that absolutely not one of those five thousand people had not even a single speck of food?" 

He went on to explain that his personal belief was that there was probably more food to be found in the small pockets or bags that belonged to the company sitting upon the grass. Once approached by the disciples, the person probably had a few thoughts running through his mind:

"I have a wife and children to feed."

"I am poor. I can't give up what little food I have."

"I have not enough."

Whatever thoughts crossed their minds, they informed the disciples that there wasn't a crumb of food to be spared. We know that the disciples finally found the 'young lad' that gave up his five loaves of bread and two fish to be shared with the company of people.

The speaker continued to apply this story and his personal thoughts and beliefs to our own lives; as members of the Church we are asked to sacrifice a great deal. We give 10% of all our income. We're asked to accept callings and expect nothing in return. Our precious time is given to a friend in need. Home - cooked meals are made for the family who's father just passed away. Talents are practiced and perfected and shared with those around us. Members serve months spreading the good word of the Gospel.

When approached with the decision to lend a helping hand, or to work or serve, what are we thinking?

"I work to provide for my family all day. I haven't the time."

"I lack the talent."

"Someone could do a much better job than I."

"I haven't enough to give."

We have been placed on the world in this time and place for purposes that only He is aware of. Our Savior, Jesus Christ gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we would have somewhere to turn when feelings of doubt and inadequacy surfaced. He suffered in Gethsemane so that we would have someone to run to when no one else could possibly understand. He died on the cross so that we could be forgiven of our sins and return to live in His presence once our time on this earth had passed.

He has given us all He has to offer. Should we not do the same? We owe Him more than we are capable to give, yet I'm sure He is grateful when we give what little we have.

"You may sometimes be tempted to say, 'Will my influence make any difference? I am just one. Will my service affect the work that dramatically?' I testify to you that it will. You will never be able to measure your influence for good." -President Thomas S. Monson

I believe that to be true. There is no way to know how much good you do in the world. No way to measure the joy felt by the person that received your happy smile in the hallway yesterday. There is no way to know the amount of relief experienced by the mother of the two little boys you're babysitting for an hour so she can take a break. It is nearly impossible to measure the amount of appreciation being felt by the elderly man as you help him weed his garden.

You never know how much good you do by just doing the little things.

I promise that if you will make your time and talents available to the Lord and the hastening of His work that you will be blessed. There will always be someone with more time. There will always be someone that is better or has had more life experience. If you keep telling yourself your contribution will make no difference, it won't.

"You have two hands. One to help yourself, the second to help others." -Audrey Hepburn

I believe we have so much to give. There is goodness within us. I know we will be blessed for the sacrifices we make - no matter how small or insignificant they may seem; because in the eyes of the Lord, they are great. And they make a world of difference for those around us.

So. Will you be the young lad?

change

Change: [noun] the act or instance of making or becoming different.

If you're like me - you don't necessarily welcome the act of changing. Change requires time and patience. It requires hard work and effort. It requires you to actively do something out of the ordinary.

It's hard. It's rough. And it's usually not enjoyable.

3 - 5 is the number of times most people will attempt to change an unhealthy behavior before succeeding.

There have been a plethora of things I've wanted to change in my life. Some I've been successful at! Others I'm still working on. And some I try to put off as long as I can.

However, change is inevitable.

Inevitable: [adjective] certain to happen; unavoidable.

Unavoidable: That means change will happen. No matter what.

There are three models of behavior change (Health Belief Model, Social Cognitive Model, and Transtheoretical Model) - each interesting in their own way. However, the third model was the one I was able to relate with the most. I found it interesting to compare my life to these six steps as I thought about unhealthy behaviors I'm working my breaking myself.

Dr. James Prochaska and Dr. Carlos DiClemete suggested that the reason we fail to succeed at our long - term goals so easily and quickly is because we aren't going about change the right way. They suggest there are six steps that must be followed in order to obtain the change we seek/want:

1. Precontemplation. People in the Precontemplation stage have no current intention of changing. They may have tried to change a behavior before and given up, or they may be in denial and unaware of the problem.
2. Contempation. In this phase, people recognize that they have a problem and begin to contemplate the need to change. Despite this acknolwedgement, people can languish in this stage for year, realizing that they have a problem but lacking the time or energy to make the change.
3. Preparation. Most people at this point are close to taking action. They've thought about what they might do and may even come up with a plan.
4. Action. In this stage, people begin to follow their action plans. Those who have prepared for change appropriately and made a plan of action are more ready for action than those who have given it little thought.
5. Maintenance. During the maintenance stage a person continues the actions begun in the action stage, and works toward making these changes a permanent part of his or her life. In this stage, it is important to be aware or the potential for relapses and to develop strategies for dealing with such challenges.
6. Termination. By this point, the behavior is so ingrained that constant vigilance may be unnecessary. The new behavior has become an essential part of daily living.
[These six steps were taken from the text book "Health: The Basics" by Rebecca J. Donatelle - yes... I wrote this while working on my health homework. Don't judge me.]

As I read through each of the steps I couldn't help but think, "I remember a time when I've felt like this." I was able to reminisce on all of the victories and setbacks I've ever had and was reminded of the habits that have been stuck with me for years that I've been working at breaking.

Chang is frustrating. Change is hard. However! Change is beautiful. The fact that we each have the ability and chance to change is a wonderful blessing given to us by a loving Heavenly Father.

Inside each of us is the power to change. To become someone we're proud of. To become someone that others can look up to. We have the power to be truly happy. That power is inside of you and me.

That power starts with something simple: a choice.

We're faced with choices daily; to get up on time or to hit the snooze button. To wear the pink shirt or the grey one. To eat Cocoa Puffs or Cinnamon Toast Crunch. To do our homework or to watch just one more episode of Scandal on Netflix. To keep talking to the cute boy past midnight or to turn off our phone and get some sleep.

Obviously there are choices that have a much greater impact on our lives: to go on a mission or continue going to school. To date the Mormon boy or the handsome, dangerous one. To marry in the temple or to settle for less. To say something hurtful or to stifle the comment. To do that bad thing just one more time or to fight the urge.

The choices we make today reflect what we will become. They shape our souls and mold us into the individuals we currently are and can become.

Change is inevitable. But how we change is our choice.

It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing. It never matters how far you think you've gone because you're never out of reach. You'll never go to the point of no return.

One of my favorite things to say is this: "We're human. We're stupid. We make mistakes. It's just going to happen. Some of our mistakes will be greater than those around us but that doesn't make us worth any less. Once we accept that we will and are going to make mistakes we're allowing the Atonement of Christ to take place in our lives.

How you change is a choice. How soon you change is a choice. It's all up to you.

But just remember: you have a loving Savior. And He died for you, too - not just everyone else that's around you. You are covered under His Atonement.

Change is a desire that we can come to want. We can find excitement in the opportunity to change and grow. The purpose of life on this earth was not to just come and live, but to learn. To grow. To achieve. The change.

Through Him, anything and everything is possible.

we're all beggars

There is nothing that bothers me more than someone being judged based off of their past. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that the past makes you who you presently are - whether that's someone to be proud of or someone that needs a little bit of work.

There are a lot of amazing people that have had a rough past; people have made the worst mistakes and have gone through the most terrible things and yet today they live incredible lives that are astounding and inspiring.

I'm definitely one that is so thankful for the things I've gone through in my life - without them I wouldn't have the knowledge, insights, and even empathy that I currently have. Going through all the rough patches and the ups and downs has made me truly happy - a happy that I couldn't be if I didn't have to go through all I've been through.

Our teacher in Sunday school referenced the talk, "Are We Not All Beggars?" by Jeffrey R. Holland (Click for link) and I loved the thoughts that came to my head after discussing this talk.

"For one thing, we can, as King Benjamin taught, cease withholding our means because we see the poor as having brought their misery upon themselves. Perhaps some have created their own difficulties, but don't the rest of us do exactly the same thing? Isn't that why this compassionate ruler asks, 'Are we not all beggars?' Don't we all cry out for help and hope and answers to prayers? Don't we all beg for forgiveness for mistakes we have made and troubles we have caused? Don't we all implore that grace will compensate for our weaknesses, that mercy with triumph over justice at least in our case?"

I love the thought that we are all beggars. I'm sure that there has, or will be, a point in each of our lives where we will "cry out for help and hope and answers to prayers".... a time where we will find ourselves "beg[ging] for forgiveness for mistakes we have made and troubles we have caused".

Whatever your reason be for seeking heavenly guidance and help, whether that be because you're having a rough day... or because you're struggling with an addiction... or attempting to find relief from committing an immoral sin, we're all beggars.

Each of us came into this life fully aware that we would make mistakes - because we have to! None of us started out perfect because perfection is our ultimate goal. If we were already perfect there would be no reason for us to be here. There would have been no reason for a Savior or for His Atonement. Earth was designed for us to come and mess up so that we could learn, grow, and progress toward perfection.

So, yes. ALL have made mistakes. All WILL make mistakes; because we have to! It's part of our mortal existence.

Now, obviously the level of mistakes we make differs for every individual; I know that my weaknesses and struggles are not the same as my neighbors... but we all will make mistakes throughout our lives.

One thing that I feel incredibly strongly about.... is that it doesn't matter what the sin/mistake/weakness/struggle is. We are all God's children and He loves us totally and completely. To me, I don't think it should matter what we have done because we are the same in the aspect that we are children of the same Heavenly Parents.

I've met many wonderful individuals that have inspired me more than they're aware that have had some of the most difficult pasts. I have friends that have a plethora of bad days but choose to see the good in them, no matter how difficult (my friend, Marissa shares her story on her blog. You should check it out in the link on her name). I have friends that are teen parents. I have friends that struggle with addiction. I know individuals that have been through some of the hardest things - and it almost doesn't seem fair. But the cool thing is, they've learned from their mistakes and have blossomed into some of the most amazing individuals I've met in my life.

When I look at them I don't remember the mistakes they've made. I don't judge their actions. I don't laugh or point or mock. I just smile. I smile because they've overcome some of life's most difficult things. I smile because they're happy. I smile because they have experienced a change of heart. I smile because they've used the beautiful gift of the Atonement that our Savior, Jesus Christ has so lovingly and willingly given to each of us.

And I believe that is how our Savior looks at each of us.

Not with eyes of scorn. Not with eyes of disappointment or sadness. But with eyes filled with a perfect brightness of hope. Eyes filled with love. Eyes filled with compassion and mercy.

My absolute favorite quote comes from Jeffry R. Holland: "...however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don't have, or distance from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is NOT possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's Atonement shines." Emphasis added.

Our Father in Heaven gave His Only Begotten Son so that we could return back to Him. Christ came to this earth to be an example for us. He came to experience all the pains and sins that anyone would ever know or go through. He suffered and died on the cross so that we could have and use the Atonement - the one thing that helps us get back to Him.

The Lord smiles brightly when we let the Atonement into our lives. I'm sure that nothing makes Him more happy than an individual simply trying. The cool thing about this gospel is that there are no second chances... there are MANY chances. We can fail over and over again and we will never run out of chances to use the Atonement.

If we are striving to be more like Christ, shouldn't we be striving to see His other children through the same eyes? There have been a few moments where I believe I have felt the strong love our Heavenly Father has for each of His children. I had a dear friend tell me something she had done. I listened to her and watched her cry while she sat on my bed. Rather than turning away with disgust, I gave her a big hug. I told her that I knew her Heavenly Father loved her and that she could return to Him if she just tried. In that moment, light and warmth filled my heart. I didn't view her as a dirty sinner, I looked at her as the beautiful daughter of God that she is!

Life is too hard for us to be judging, pointing or laughing. Each of us have to go through our own specific set of trials and struggles. Our lives are a masterpiece designed by the Savior - the ups and downs are what makes it beautiful!

I know that our Savior loves us. So much more than we will be able to comprehend in this life. He understands what it's like to be tempted because He gets it. He knows how hard it sometimes is just to get through another day.

Despite all the negative and bad that goes on around us or maybe that goes on within us... the Lord loves us. There is hope. Through Him, we can find refuge from the storm. We can be lifted up. Through Him, our burdens can be at ease. He didn't die for nothing... He died for YOU. Despite what you may think, you are not exempt from His Atonement and love. It IS within your reach.

I believe that no matter how difficult the road forward may seem... that it will always be worth it to hold the Lord's hand and accept His help all along the way.