to the recent graduate,

Congratulations. You've made it through what's seemed to be the hardest part of your life thus far. I commend you. The countless hours of walking through those high school hallways are now over and you never have to look back. It's kind of a good feeling, right?! But in the words of Trace Adkins, "you're gonna miss this".

But I'm not here to reminisce back on my own high school days. Rather, I'm here to give you some of the advice I've learned over my first few years of being an "adult" in the "real world". And to be honest: it's really rough. Really, really rough. There have been a plethora of days where the thought of going all the way back to diapers, smooshed carrots, and nap time sounded more than spectacular. Days where the money was tight, but the jeans were tighter. Days where smiling seemed more like a chore. And days that dragged on well past what they were allotted.

It's going to be different. Adult life is a whole new game. I remember moving out and feeling completely and totally alone for the first time in my life. And quite frankly, it was terrifying. No longer was the fridge and pantry stalked - I actually had to buy my own food?! I found it totally bizarre not to have a mother constantly wondering where I was going and who I was with (I'll admit I don't miss this. But I sure do love my mother!). No more was my schedule handed to me on a nice silver platter, already thought out and organized. Gone were the days of yummy home - cooked meals and already made sack lunches. I was now in charge of scheduling dentist appointments and making sure I showed up everywhere on time. I had to learn how to feed myself (I now consider myself to be a professional when it comes to making scrambled eggs). I had to remember to say my prayers and make my bed and put my shoes away. But despite these frightening thoughts, be excited. You've been waiting, wanting, and working over the past eighteen years for this. The decisions you make over the next few years will determine the outcome of the rest of your life. So, make it a good one! Be excited for what the future holds and face it head on.

Find something you love, and do it. This one is extremely important. It can become really easy to drown in the constant flow of work and homework. My day-to-day life is so incredibly busy that I actually have to pencil in time to do things that I love in order to take a break - and if I don't, I go crazy. But make sure that you work hard. Work hard at work. Work hard at school. Work hard in your relationships with others. Work hard in anything that you do, even if you don't want to do it. I can promise that if you will do this, you will be proud of yourself. And when you seem to fail at something, which you will, never give up. "Don't you give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead... It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good thigns to come." -Jeffrey R. Holland. You'll soon realize that life won't happen the way you think it will. Or that it will be harder than you ever could have imagined. Your grades will start to suffer. You'll break up with your boyfriend. You'll get in a fight with your roommate. You'll run out of money and time and energy. And you'll want to give up. For moments such as these I urge you to follow the wise counsel given in the scriptures: "Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ" -2 Nephi 31:20, and always remember that the bad days will come to an end. "On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good." -Unknown

It's all up to you. The cool (and equally just as scary) part about being an adult is that everything is up to you now! You finally get to decide what to do and who to be. You want to be a Doctor? Go for it. Want to solve world hunger? Awesome! You want to prove everyone wrong? By golly, do it!! "Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality..." -Les Brown. I believe that we're capable of more greatness than we think we are. With the aid of our loving Heavenly Father, we can do and become literally anything. The Lord has faith in each and every single one of us. With Him, we can become who He needs us to be, as well as who we truly want to be.

Trust in the Lord. This is probably my greatest piece of advice. I still struggle with it, but as I put my faith in the Lord and His timing, it gets easier and easier to press on because I have a surety that it's all going to turn out okay. "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." -John Lennon. Always believe in yourself. It can be really easy to feel inadequate. Especially if you compare yourself to the success and progress of those around you. With that being said, Be happy for those around you. We're all living in this crazy, messed up world; whenever someone accomplishes a goal or is living their dream, congratulate them. Be excited for them. It was probably really hard for them and probably took a really long time to get there. But just because good things aren't happening to you right now, doesn't mean they won't ever happen to you. "Faith in the Lord includes faith in His timing." -Neal A. Maxwell. Great things are in store for those who keep trying and pushing on through the hard stuff. You will fail, and it's okay. I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've failed because there have been many. My stubbornness has resulted in a lot of bad decisions which have caused more trouble for me than I even care to think about. However, I've learned from those failures. And so will you. "Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more intelligently." -Henry Ford. I urge you to find the lesson behind every failure. Learn from your mistakes so that they never happen again. If you fall, pick yourself up, dust off your knees, and keep trucking along - we weren't meant to get through this life without a mark or a scratch.

And always, always remember that you are loved. To whoever you may be, whatever you may be doing, and wherever you may be going, remember that you have a Heavenly Father and Brother, Jesus Christ, who love you dearly. Their love extends far beyond yours and mine understanding - and what a marvelous thought that is. I can't promise an easy life. But I can promise that if you work hard, smile through the bad days, and keep pressing forward, it will all be worth it. So, keep your chins up. Keep moving along. And always keep what your mother told you in your heart: remember who you are and what you stand for. And be proud of it. Stand up for what you know is right and stand up with courage and conviction. Never lose sight of what you want most in life. Chase your dreams and accomplish things nobody ever thought that you could. "Your future is as bright as your faith." -Thomas S. Monson

it's never too early

I recently had a close friend of mine get married to the love of her life. The wedding festivities came far quicker than I had anticipated - weren't we those mischievous beehives giggling at girls camp just yesterday?! I remember talking and dreaming about one of us marrying a handsome man one day. I just don't think I realized how close that "one day" really actually was.

The night prior to them being sealed together for time and all eternity was their dinner. My friend and I arrived and sat down amongst the bride-to-be and her groom's closest friends and family. I looked around at all of the happy smiles and joyous laughs; everyone introducing themselves and sharing their favorite memory of the special couple. I turned to my friend and said, "I can't believe she's getting married!" (I think it was finally sinking in).

Later on in the evening, the mother got up and shared a sweet memory she had of her daughter, going back to a time when she was just a small child. The setting took place on the grounds of an LDS temple where the young girl exclaimed to her mother: "Mommy, someday I want to be married here just like you and daddy."

Those simple words brought a smile to my face and admittedly a few tears to my eyes. I thought of this now grown woman and how she had known from so early on that she wanted to go inside the temple someday. I'm sure that, at the time this sweet story was taking place, she wasn't aware of all of the covenants and promises that she would one day make inside of this beautiful building. However, she knew it was special and important and lived her life in such a way that would allow her to one day enter inside its doors. And yesterday, she did!

Marrying in the temple has always been a top priority and goal in my life. However, its sat on the back burner as I've focused primarily on school, work, and other hobbies. Now, please don't take this the wrong way - it's definitely always been important! It just hasn't been my main focus as I haven't yet felt the need to necessarily prepare for it. But listening to this mother share such simple, yet profound advice changed my perspective, and no longer is preparing to be married in the temple sitting, just waiting for the "right moment". Because you see: There is no "right moment" to begin preparing to enter the temple. If there has to be a right moment, it's right now.

Harold B. Lee said, "Youth should begin today to so order their lives that they will be found worthy at the proper time to go to the House of the Lord and be uplifted and sanctified by the temple ceremony." (Young Women Manual 2: Lesson 15)

Being part of this very special day with this special friend of mine has helped me to realize that it's never too early to prepare for an eternal marriage. We would all do well to follow in her footsteps by ensuring that we are always worthy to go inside of the temple - whether that's for baptisms for the dead, receiving our endowments, or being sealed to an eternal companion.

And the opposite is just as true - it's never too late to prepare, either. Through the Atonement, we can change and become the individuals we were divinely designed to be. The blessings of the temple are readily available to all those that will willingly receive them. Even if going to the temple may not be an option right now, we can always keep the temple in our sights. Simply having a goal to one day attend the temple can help change our desires and actions and help bring us closer to our Heavenly Father (check this post out).

I am incredibly thankful for a loving Heavenly Father. I know that through the atoning sacrifice of our brother, Jesus Christ, we can obtain all of the blessings He so longs to give us. I love the peace that the temple brings into my life and look forward to one day making the sacred covenants and ordinances necessary to obtain pure joy and happiness in the next life to come.

putting the Lord first

A big portion of my "adult life" has been spent wondering what the heck I'm supposed to be doing. I've found it difficult to make decisions that I'm faced with and even continue wondering and second guessing myself after I've come to a conclusion. It seems as if the one path that initially felt "right", no longer is and that the one way I want to go, isn't where I should be going (this has proven to be quite frustrating).

I came across this scripture during my studying the other night - at the time it didn't seem like an answer to any of my worries or concerns, yet I found that my mind kept wandering back to these two verses over the next few days:

Alma 37
36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when you risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

I was sitting at my small, messy desk at work, munching on cheez its, while I read through the most recent post by Al Fox ("9 Ways To Get More Out of General Conference"). I continued clicking through her blog and eventually the post, "I'll Never Get Married", came up. Even though I had read this entry several times before, I felt the nagging feeling that I should read it again. So I did.

I came across this sentence: "I learned that if I continued to put God first, everything else would fall into place." My mind instantly went back to what I had studied in my scriptures the night before and it was then that I realized I hadn't been doing a great job at putting the Lord first.

There have been many times where I've hopelessly and helplessly cried out in anger as to what the Lord wants me to do. Questions fill my mind every single day: Am I studying the right thing? Should I be dating more? Should I serve a mission? And it drives me completely and totally batty. Each of these questions has caused me to wonder if I'm even doing the right thing (it's a daily battle). I've often doubted if the path I'm currently traveling is the right one or if I should stop and turn around ASAP to try one of the other many roads.

I've noticed that as the ups and downs of life have seemed to come and go quite frequently, so do the things that matter the most. My scripture study and prayer habits are usually most effective and consistent when I'm coasting through life with a happy smile. However, as soon as a string of doubt weaves it's way into my life, all of the things that keep me afloat become almost non - existent: Scripture study dwindles. Prayers become less sincere. My temple attendance goes down the drain. And as a result, life gets harder. Smiles turn to frowns. And the bad days seem to outnumber the good (shocker, right?!). The funny thing is, I  can't ever seem to figure out why I'm so unhappy!

Now, you're probably thinking: Well it's no wonder you aren't happy! You aren't doing all of the little things that give life purpose and meaning! And I will willingly tell you that you are absolutely and positively 100% right. After going through this pattern multiple times, one would think I'd learn my lesson. However, I've come to find that it usually takes several failed attempts to ingrain something into my brain (I can only imagine how frustrating this must be to the Lord as He's trying to teach me valuable lessons).

Eventually I realize that my life is lacking in the spiritual department and I'll pull out my scriptures, blow off the thin layer of dust that has accumulated, and scold myself for being so prideful as to think that I could get through a challenge without the guidance of the Gospel. And almost always, an abundance of peace will find its way back into my life.

I know that the Lord does not leave us. He will never leave us, even in the moments where we feel as though we've been abandoned and are left to fend for ourselves. I am absolutely sure our questions could be answered simply and that our pains and afflictions could be easily taken from before us, yet that isn't the purpose of this life. One of the most beautiful things about our loving Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ is that they allow us to learn and grow through what we will so inevitably have to face and experience in this life. I promise that if you will put the Lord first, you will receive guidance and council to your questions and the struggles of life will become more easily bearable.

I know that the Lord listens to each of our prayers. Our cares, concerns, and worries become His cares, concerns, and worries. I've found that most of the answers to my prayers come in ways I never would have expected them to - much of my life has been down a path I hadn't originally intended to travel down. And even though trials, struggles, and frustrations still easily work their way into my life, I know that if I put my trust in the Lord, all will work out.

I hope that as we continue through this beautiful journey, we will remember to put the Lord first, always.

think pretty thoughts

I was roaming around Walmart, trying as hard as I could to fill my shopping cart with healthy food and essentials. However, the "you're-a-stressed-out-and-poor-college-student" cap came on and my cart was instead piled with the comfort food staples: mac and cheese, dill pickle chips, and mint brownie ice cream. Upon realizing that this shopping trip had strayed so far from it's original intent, I decided to continue wandering around the store.

After strolling idly down the sock aisle attempting to find more mismatched pairs to add to my collection and stopping to feed my addiction to scented candles, I found myself in the 'Home Office' section. I glanced at all of the fun new gadgets and decadent pens and walked by the journals. My eye caught the attention of one in particular. On it, in gold cursive lettering, were the words: "Think Pretty Thoughts". I picked up the journal and thumbed through its pages. After concluding that this journal would most likely go to waste, I put it back on the shelf and continued down the aisle.

It didn't take much to convince myself that I needed this little book in my life and that I could somehow find good use for it, so I circled back around and snatched up the last journal before anybody else could.

Just as I had originally suspected, this little journal sat, neglected, in my car for quite some time. Occasionally I would pick it up and wonder what I could fill its pages with. Thoughts and ideas would formulate, but nothing excited me enough to actually begin writing.

Until I found myself having a bad day. A really bad day.

It was one of those bad days where not even chocolate and good 80's music could lift my spirits. I huffed and puffed while I drove to work and determined that this would be the worst. day. ever. I began listing off all of the reasons why my life was boring, unpleasant, or unfair. I thought about all of the negative things that had happened and found myself wishfully wanting for what others seemed to so easily attain.

I sat down in my cubicle, unzipped my bag, and started unloading the pounds of textbooks. I peered into the dark abyss that is my backpack and noticed the journal I had bought a week previously. I reached in and took it out, looking at it's cover.

Think Pretty Thoughts

I opened up the journal, took out a pen, and wrote: I'm thankful...

I paused. What am I thankful for? I sat back in my chair and glanced down at the blank page. I sourly thought: I'm not thankful for anything today, because today is just awful. The journal sat open at my desk for the rest of the day. Eventually I forced myself to write a sentence down.

"I'm thankful for my job."

I looked down at the five words and thought: Come on. You can do better than that.

By the end of the work day I had written three pages worth. Things like, "I'm thankful for the opportunity I have to receive an education" or "I'm thankful for whoever thought to put peanut butter and chocolate together" filled up the pages. I chuckled to myself as I realized that just a few hours previous I had complained that nothing good was going to happen that day.

This little journal proved that I couldn't have been more wrong. I suddenly became much more aware of all that the Lord has so graciously and generously blessed me with. No longer was I counting the things going wrong, but I was counting the things going right.

And it made such a difference.

Writing in this journal became a daily habit.. As soon as I got to work I'd open it up and begin listing out the things that I was already thankful for that day. I noticed that the time I used to spend wishfully wanting and griping for the things that I didn't have was replaced with scouting for all of the things that I could write down in my journal.

As I look back on the past few months that have been documented in this journal, I've noticed that life has become so much happier. That's not to say that the bad days have stopped coming, because they definitely do. I still binge watch Netflix and splurge on JCW's shakes while I rock out in my mom van attempting to cheer myself up. But the days are much easier to get through when I find myself in search of the good.

the time i almost went to jail

We all remember my dirty, white creeper van, right? The one that I have the marvelous privilege of driving around in during my “prime years”? Yeah, that one. Oh, the boys I’ve gotten attention from driving around in this thing!!

Before I go into detail of this rather embarrassing event, I’d like to preface by saying that I am a great driver. I’m also extremely sarcastic and terribly bad at lying.

As mentioned in my “vanbuddies” post, I have a great many driving sins and transgressions. The number of parking citations, speeding tickets, and accidents will not be disclosed at this time. However, you are safe in assuming that I’ve had so many of them that it’s caused the amount of points on my license to sky rocket. It was only a matter of time before I would get my license revoked.

The letter came before I was ready. I opened the sealed envelope and read what was staring back at me: “Due to the amount of points on your Utah Driver’s License, you will need to meet with a member of the court to discuss further action regarding your driving privileges.”

I nervously walked into the DMV on my day of reckoning, silently praying that my license wouldn’t be revoked.

The outcome of the visit: I would be on probation for an entire year. Any citations or tickets would result in suspension for a time period of 30 days.

I walked out of the building, determined to never speed again in my entire life.

That determination was very short lived. I hadn’t even made it ¼ of the way through my probation before I was rolling down my window to face the less than pleasant cop.

By now it was practically routine: Get the registration paper out of the glove box. Hand him your license. Apologize for being stupid. And wait.

Part of me nervously anticipated what he would find when he punched my name into his little computer. The possibility of having to forfeit my license and vehicle right there on the freeway became utterly terrifying. Fortunately I was able to continue my drive back home without the police officer possessing the knowledge of my probation.

I began wishfully thinking that somehow the DMV wasn’t notified of my most recent offense. However, those hopes were dashed when I received the letter in the mail; this time calling me to actual court.

The day of my appearance came far too quickly. I walked into the court house and sat down in the back. Never having been in this situation before, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. The people ahead of me were being charged with fines of upwards of thousands of dollars along with receiving jail sentences.

I felt the color drain from my face as my heart began to pound. I nervously rubbed my sweaty palms on my pants as I anticipated the moment they would call out my name.

While trying my hardest to appear confident, my mind was racing: What if I go to jail? I can’t go to jail! I have school… and a job! How will I get a job after going to jail!? Would I even survive in jail? Would they put me with criminals?? Will I have to wear an orange jumpsuit every day?! What about my apartment? Someone will have to move all of my stuff out!

Then, I began to try and see the bright side of going to jail at the young age of twenty: I guess this will help you finally learn your lesson.

You won’t have to buy food or pay for rent for three months!

 By the time you’re out, your missionary friends will be 90 days closer to being home!

The negatives greatly outweighed the positives.

My thoughts were disturbed when I heard them call out, “Cambri Hill”. Here goes nothin.

I walked up to the podium. Smile. Maybe he’ll think you’re a really sweet girl and that you shouldn’t go to jail. I smiled weakly as I squeaked out a shaky, “Hello”.

The judge read what was on my ticket and glanced up at me as he asked, “How do you plead?”

Oh my gosh. I have to plead?! This is the type of stuff you watch in movies!!.

“Guilty.”

Here it comes. Jail. 90 days. I’m ready.

I left with a fine and suspended license. Hopping into my car, I let out an exasperated sigh as I looked up at the nasty grey roof of my van. Thank you!!!!!

Side note: as a result of my stubbornness, my parents were unaware that any of this was happening. And because of that fact, I was forced to drive around in my minivan illegally.

It didn’t take long before the flashing blue and red lights appeared in my rear view window. My fist pounded the steering wheel before I began the search to find my license. I wasn’t even speeding!

One would say I have terrible luck. And I would agree.

I rolled down the window and plastered on the nicest smile I could. “Hi, officer. Was I speeding?”

“No. Your registration is expired. Were you aware of that?”

No. No I wasn’t.

Miracle of miracles, I was set free, without him even looking at my license – er, revoked license.

I immediately began the process to getting it registered. I could not get pulled over again.

Just as luck would have it, the process to getting my lovely van registered took far too long, and this time, the cop discovered my secret. I informed my dad of the ticket I had received, assuming I would just take care of the fines myself. However, he was determined to pay. I immediately regretted telling him I had ever received the ticket – I knew that if he dug enough, he would come to find that I was driving with a revoked license.

So I did what any smart, sophisticated individual would do: hide. Everything.

Each time I went home, I knew I would be asked if I had called on my ticket; “Oh. I forgot. I’ll do that tomorrow.” He would periodically ask, “Where’s your ticket?” And I would respond, “I left it at my apartment.”

Finally, my dad’s patience had run out and he resorted to calling on the ticket himself. And it just so happened, the day of my now second court appearance, was when he decided to call.

I left my class at UVU and shamefully drove to the American Fork Judicial Court building. I parked my car and slumped my shoulders as I walked inside, took off everything metal, and stepped through the security system – if only I was at the airport instead, getting on a one-way flight to Hawaii.

I walked into the court room, and again, sat as close as I could to the back, watching as numerous people bustled in. My mind began to wander; what if this is the time I actually go to jail? So I pulled out my phone and went to the one place where all of life’s questions are addressed: Google.

I clicked on the first link that popped up: Yahoo! Answers. The girl explained her situation (much similar to mine) and asked if she would be going to jail.

Every. Single. Answer confirmed her worst fear (and mine).

Upon realizing that Google would provide no relief, I looked up to see a tall, skinny brunette frantically run inside. She had on dirty sneakers, yoga pants, and an oversized sweatshirt. Her hair was pulled back from her make-up free face. Ha. I thought. That looks like my…

Mom?!!

My eyes widened. What is she doing here?! I was caught. I cocked my head to the side, attempting to hide my presence as I slowly sunk as deep as I could into the bench. Maybe she won’t notice?

My phone lit up with a text that read: Where are you? Dad called on your ticket. You have an appearance in court right now!

Both realizing and accepting that I would not be able to somehow magically melt away, I responded: Look to your left.

Our eyes met. “What are you doing here?!” She mouthed.

Moments after confessing to my mother, my name was called. I squared my shoulders and straightened my shirt as I struggled to confidently walk up to the podium. The two note-takers looked up at the judge and said, “Oh. Miss Hill will be late. Her father called in and said she was at school.”

The judge looked at me through her glasses and said, “Does your Father know you aren’t in school?”

After receiving the appropriate consequence of my actions, I left the court room, my mother in tow. I expected a good scolding and a “you need to be more careful” talk on the way out of the court room. I prepared my eyes to start rolling and my breath to start sighing.

She laughed. “Thanks for a tour of the Judicial Court House! I should have taken a picture of you up there!”

What!?

***

There are three conclusions that have risen from this oh-so-embarrassing story of mine:

Number one: Be good to your Mom. One day she may be running into a court room after being at the gym to explain why you’re missing (even if you really aren’t).

Number two: This would make for a great story, someday.

I didn’t realize that “someday” would be so soon after. The wound of embarrassment is still fresh as ever. But upon realizing that my mother’s newest goal was to share this humorous adventure with any and every soul that she could, I found it best to expose it now.

It’ll be good for posterity. Right?

And number three: Have I learned my lesson?

I guess we’ll find out.

the mall kiosk

If you've ever successfully escaped one of the mall kiosk associates... you're definitely one of a kind. And you NEED to share your tactics with me.

A few months ago I was walking through the mall, stopping occasionally to browse over the stores merchandise. Upon hitting the personal spending limit I set for myself before entering the mall, I began the trek back to my car... er, van.

I began glancing at the small kiosk's that spotted the interior of the mall. Some were selling green tea or splat balls. Others had curling irons and protein powders. And I had somehow managed to dodge every single one of them! A feeling of pride began to well up in my chest.

Until... she spotted me.

The facial cream, moisturizing, skin exfoliating mall kiosk employee.

Our eyes met for a brief second and a pang of worry resonated inside of me. Please don't stop me. Please don't stop me.

"Hi! Do you have a moment to try out our new product?"

It seemed as though she recognized my look of unsurety. She walked over to me and slipped her arm through mine as she guided me back to the stool placed underneath the green kiosk umbrella.

"Um. Sure." I barely mustered out.

She began opening bottles and pouring creams and jellies onto my arm. While "waiting" for the product to take effect, she said "I just moved here from Jerusalem yesterday. Utah is so nice!" I plastered a smile on my face and nodded my head.

After what seemed like an eternity of unwanted small talk, she looked down at my arm and gasped at the changes her magical scrub and cream had done. I realized she wasn't going to stop talking about it until I agreed with her.

She began boxing up a set of the products and walked over to her cash register. "Do you know how much this is?" I shook my head and began to protest that I really didn't want to spend any more money. "You're a student, aren't you?? I'll knock it down $100!"

Wow. $100? Can they even take that much off?

I shook the thought out of my head and again opened my mouth to explain to her that I truly did not want the product.

"I'll throw in free soap!"

Free soap, too?!

And then all of the sudden, I found myself handing her my debit card. My knuckles turned white from gripping so hard on the new bag of moisturizers I had just acquired as I watched her swipe the card.

Well. There goes the weekly b-dubs dinner for the next two weeks. And that book I was going to order online. Oh, and there goes my food.

I immediately began plotting to return each of the products at another time. Can you even return items to mall kiosks? But rather than risk being caught returning her beloved items, I began going through what I had bought previous to being taken captive by the nice Jerusalem lady.

"Want to go grab coffee?" I looked up at the lady and tried to kindly explain I didn't drink coffee. "Oh. Well, lunch?" I looked down at my phone and told her I had somewhere to be (I needed to make my escape!) "Ok! I will write down my email and phone number and you can tell me how much you like my product!"

I patiently waited for her to write down her information. I looked around at the countless people scurrying in and out of stores as they dodged the kiosks. The lucky souls.

It was almost as if the hundreds of passerby's were expressing their gratitude to me, for taking one for the team. I sat there, slumped in the cheap stool, thinking about my now drained bank account.

I had entered enemy territory and lost the battle.

After awkwardly taking the paper from her hands and attempting to escape an unwanted hug, I slowly walked away, feeling down, discouraged, and defeated.

I put my new items onto the bathroom counter and neglected them for what seemed like weeks. She promised the product would last a year and suddenly I realized it was only because I wasn't actually going to use them - they even had the potential to last multiple years.

One day I decided to try them out. I opened each of the bottles and racked my brain to remember exactly which order to use them. I sat down at my computer and searched for some instruction.

My research shed some rather unfortunate light: I bought water and salt.

I really need to learn how to say no.



[Enjoy this video done by Studio C. They know my pain.]

van buddies

It's off - white in color (only because of the dirt that has accumulated on its surface) and often has a light out. The rubber outlining the windshield has come loose and often likes to flap and pound mercilessly while I'm driving on the free way. There's a big stain on the carpet in between the two front seats and old stickers cling for dear life on the walls throughout the car. The DVD player has been kicked off (courtesy of the younger siblings) and has left behind some pretty looking red and green wires for decoration.

The heater usually won't kick on until I'm already parking my car and there's a penny stuck inside the CD player that makes listening to my coveted BYU Vocal Point CD impossible. The windshield cleaner in the back sprays inside, rather than actually doing what it's supposed to do and the passenger window will roll down, but not always up.

The "check engine" light pops on every few days for a visit and the temperature gauge will often get too close to the red, "hot" line. Every once and a while the speedometer will decide it's going to give me a heart attack by saying I'm going 20 mph over the speed limit - and sometimes it'll even trick me into thinking I'm going 110 mph on a 70 mph free way.

I guess you could call this car... unique.

I believe that this vehicle that causes quite the road rage and headaches is punishment for my driving sins. The mercy from the parentals had finally run out and I was destined to drive around in this dirty, rubber flapping van (after having the chance to drive two nicer vehicles - which is another story that most likely will not be shared at a later time).

It's great for showing off to all them cute college boys, ya know? (not)

In order to park in the parking lot at Carriage Cove you have to buy a parking pass. And in order to get that parking pass you have to share what kind of vehicle you have.

I briefly contemplated saying that I had a super nice red sports car with racing stripes... but then she asked for my registration. Reluctantly I handed her the old piece of paper and she wrote down all of the information on my Chevy Venture white van and handed me the little yellow parking sticker.

It didn't take long for me to notice that literally nobody else in the Carriage Cove parking lot owned a van (I've even circled around to the boys side to double check). Nobody.

What single college student owns a van??

I'm always on the lookout for other people roaming around outside to make sure they won't see me getting inside of my van. Upon being spotted, I usually walk in the opposite direction or even past my car so as not to give away the owner of the ONLY van in the parking lot. After parking the van at the end of the day I see just how fast I can get inside so nobody catches me shamefully getting out and locking the door.

After a few months the shameful walks and embarrassed feelings were beginning to subside. It took a while to convince myself that "it's just a car... it gets you from A to B, be grateful it works!" or "you're just getting a head start on the whole van mom, thing."

Eventually the August contracts had ended and the old people moved out and the new ones moved in. That meant new cars in the Carriage Cove parking lot.

And one day... I spotted it. The dark grey van. Parked. In the Carriage Cove parking lot.

After the first sighting my hopes were peaked - was there really another van in the parking lot?! I quickly told myself that it was probably just a one time thing... somebody's mom was helping them move all of their stuff into their apartment or something.

But I saw it the next day. And the next day. And the next! Needless to say I was beyond excited to see a second van in the parking lot. It didn't take long to notice that the quality and state of this van was much, MUCH better than the one in my current possession...

But oh well! I'm just excited to have a van buddy to keep me company!!!

my credit card addiction

I'm really good at spending money. Like, really good. And I'm terrible at saving it. Once I get my pay check I'm off to the store to buy that perfume I love or those yellow shoes I've been eyeing since last Tuesday. It doesn't help that I have an expensive taste, either.

One day I decided to get a credit card......

Bad idea.

Immediately I began spending all the credit I had on the card and before I knew it I had used it all up. I stared down at my bank statement and read how much money I owed. 

For some reason I don't think I fully understood what a credit card was until I owed way more money than I actually had. I looked at all of the nice things I had gotten and then back at the statement. I felt sick.

Going shopping makes me feel happy. I love trying on clothes and feeling cute in a new outfit. Once I have my hands on something I love there is little to no thought about how expensive it is; I just swipe my card and walk out with my new purchases, grinning from ear to ear.

Sometimes I get home and look at the bags and think: you should probably take this all back to the store. But then I think about how cute that cardigan is and I remember all of the outfits I can create with it.

This sounds like "Confessions of a Shopaholic."

If only they had Shopaholics Anonymous meetings (they actually do, but they seem too sketchy to actually attend)......

After spending way too much money on this credit card, I determined (actually my dad recommended I get rid of the "dang thing") that I should cut it up.

The first time I attempted to cut it, I just couldn't. I looked at the dark, sparkly grey card and almost felt bad for even thinking about destroying it. So back into the wallet it went.

A few weeks later I was staring at another gut - sickening bill. Okay. After I pay this bill back we WILL get rid of the credit card.

So I paid all of the money back and found myself, once again, with a pair of scissors in my right hand and my evil sparkly credit card in my left.

It was almost as if, in that moment, a little white angel and red devil appeared on either shoulder.

Part of me was trying to convince myself that I needed to relieve myself of the burdensome credit card. I didn't have money to continue paying back so many bills. The other half of me loudly screamed: YOU NEED A CREDIT CARD! My mind began going through all of the "what ifs". What if I have an emergency? What if I run out of money somehow? What if my car breaks down and I have to call a tow truck? What if I need to buy a skirt for that missionary homecoming? What if ...

So I tossed the scissors aside and made myself promise I wouldn't spend a single penny on something I didn't 100% absolutely need.

By now you can probably guess what happened. A few weeks later I was yet again staring at a bill that was way too high for comfort. This time, I really did cut it up. A moment of silence followed as I looked at the broken plastic pieces that lay on the table in front of me. For a split second I thought, "Oh my gosh. What did I do?!" And then a wave of relief washed over me.

However, that relief only lasted for a brief time. After realizing that I no longer had a piece of plastic that I could swipe and instantly have whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it.... the withdrawals came.

I would be in a dressing room, trying on clothes, only to realize I didn't have my credit card to use anymore. So I would leave empty handed, with my shoulders slumped and my head turned slightly downward all the while trying to erase the memories of the cute peplum top or the floral shoes. I would be out to dinner with friends, thinking I didn't want the money to come out of my checking account, so I'd reach for my credit card only to realize it wasn't in its normal spot. A pang of sadness would resonate through me as I'd hand my debit card over to the waiter. Walking through store isles and seeing all of the fun and exciting things I could buy became all but fun and exciting - those isles are now avoided like the plague.

I would like to say that the visits to Buffalo Wild Wings have subsided but let's be really real - they haven't. However, as I'm coming out of the withdrawal stages of my credit card addiction, I'm starting to see the green grass... and it's greener than I thought it was.

Not having to stare down at a HUGE bill every few weeks has become quite nice. The relief from knowing that I'm not spending more money than I actually have is far greater than the twinge of sadness I feel when I can't splurge while shopping at Maurice's - no matter how much I want to. Knowing that I only have a set amount of money in my bank account has helped me to see what I absolutely need to buy and what I absolutely do NOT need to buy.

Adulting is fun........ right??

sure gonna miss these three :)

These three beautiful girls are going off to college this Saturday and I'm pretty sure I'm going to miss them like cRaZy. Each one of them have made my life so much better and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for each of them.

EmmaLee

I met EmmaLee our first year of band, although I didn't really know her until our first year of Marching Band in 2009. We've played the flute together for almost six years. She's been an AMAZING flute player since day one and I'm glad I was able to have her as such a great example in band! 

We were in every single girls choice dance group together. I wouldn't want it any different. She made each dance so much fun and I'm SO glad we were able to be together for each of them. And I'm so happy we were able to see each other in our SUPER pretty dresses at PROM :) :) :).

Pretty sure EmmaLee was the best flute section leader ever :). So glad I was able to be in the flute section while she was section leader. She has always been a good example to me of what a good leader should be. 

EmmaLee and I didn't become really good friends until 2011, and I'll never forget the day her "group" let me in. I'm so thankful I became such good friends with her and that we've been able to stay that way ever since.

EmmaLee, thanks for being my bestest friend in the whole entire world!!

Thanks for your never ending example of what a true friend should be. You've always been there for me for the past few years and I hope and pray our friendship will forever remain the same. 

I've loved being in marching band with you and being able to work hard and perform amazing things with you for four years.

Thank you for your smile. I'm pretty sure there was a never a day when you weren't smiling. You're always so positive and bubbly and want to make everybody happy. Thank you for that :).

Thank you for your amazing testimony as well. You shine with the light of Christ and I couldn't be more thankful for that. You're an amazing example of someone who knows she is a beloved daughter of God.

Thank you for all the fun times and memories. I will remember and cherish them forever and ever. I know we'll have many more great ones.

I wish you the best of luck down at Snow. You're going to do amazing things and I can't wait to hear all about them and visit you AS SOON AS YOU COME HOME (I'm dead serious)!!

I'm going to miss you SOOOOO much!! But have so much fun :)

love,

cam :)

Morgan

Oh Morgan :). Morgan has been through three years of marching band with me and I'm so glad I was able to have her as an example of a GREAT flutist as well. 

Morgan is probably one of my most favorite people EVER. She's always so happy and I LOVE that. She can make anybody smile and have a good time :). There has never been a dull moment with Morgan.

Morgan, thanks for being just the greatest! I missed you SO much last year while you were at college and I know I'm going to miss you just as much if not more this year while you're gone again.

Thank you for your positive and happy example. You've never been negative or rude to anyone and I'm so thankful for that. 

Thank you for being such a great example of a what a strong woman should be. I look up to you in a gazillion ways and hope to someday be like you :). 

Good luck in college!!!! I can't wait to see you soon!

love,

cam :)

Syvanna

Syvanna was my first friend when I moved to Utah and she quickly became my best friend. I'm pretty sure we hung out almost every day. I was always at her house and she was always at mine.

She is probably one of the cRaZiEsT people I know but I LOVE her to death! She knows how to make anyone smile big and laugh their guts out.

Syvanna,

Thank you for being such an INCREDIBLE friend to me. I miss the days when we used to "live" at each others homes and play every day. But I'm glad we've been able to spend some time together before you leave for school.

Thanks for always having a blast with me :). There is really never a dull moment with you. Even though we fought a lot, I still loved you like a sister.

Thank you for showing my what a true best friend is. I'm so glad we were able to be so close and I hope that that will never change. Stay amazing :).

Can't wait to see and hear from you again. Good luck in college. I'll miss you!!

love,

cam :)

"The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." Elizabeth Foley. I absolutely LOVE this quote! I've had a few friends worry about wether or not we will stay friends once they or I leave for college. And the answer is a loud "OF COURSE!!". 

I have been blessed with some of the most amazingly incredible friends. Each of them has a strong testimony of this gospel and are traveling in the right path. Could there be any better examples? I'm SO grateful to Heavenly Father for blessing me with each of them. They've each taught valuable lessons to me and created memories I'll never forget.

Thanks for being such great friends. I wish you all the best of luck and I know you'll do amazing. I'll miss you :)

first post

Thanks for visiting my new blog! I'm excited that this is now up and running! I've been waiting for something to blog about until I made the switch "official". 

Obviously I'm no "college chick" yet but I am very excited to leave for BYU-Idaho in just five short months. The year has gone by so quickly and hopefully it will continue to do so as I anxiously await the time when I'll be in college!!

Some quick updates: Band camp has come and gone, and although the week was very long and hot, I'm beginning to miss the time I spent with the band, but mainly the flute section. Regular practices have been going on and we've got the whole show on the field and the pre-game show. They are learning SO much so quickly and I couldn't be more proud of every single one of them. I started out with three rookies in the section and now can hardly tell which ones are rookies they've all improved so much. We still have a lot of work to do but this years show will be one to remember.

All the amazing Woodwinds at Westlake High School with Jamie, me & Mary in front.

My hours at Masterpiece Dental are almost finished!! I am SO happy!! After 300 hours of working, cleaning, observing, sterilizing and sitting for free... I am very ready to be out of that office and on my way to different things. I've been looking for a job for a few weeks now but haven't found a job yet. Hopefully my next blog post will announce my long awaited job offer!

School starts in just 2 weeks and I'm getting excited for my younger siblings!! Syd will be at the big High School and I couldn't be more excited for her! High school, for me, was a good three years. I hope she'll be able to have a good experience too. Ash will be in 8th grade at the jr. high and Dallin and Hollie will be in 3rd and 5th grade at Legacy. It's crazy how fast time is going! I remember when I got to hold Dallin for the first time. But I love seeing how excited they both get. I'm SO excited for the "back to school fashion show". Mostly because I don't have to be a part of it. SCORE! But I always love watching my brother and sisters get so into it.

MY 18TH BIRTHDAY is in 17 days!!! I can hardly wait until I can officially say I am 18 years old. I've been filling out TONS of applications and almost every single one of them ask: "are you at least 18 years of age?". I will admit, I put yes. Only to quickly write underneath that I will be 18 on August 23. It will be nice not to have to write that on applications anymore. Although hopefully I won't be filling out applications still by then.

All my friends leave soon :(. They're all going off to college and leaving me hear all by myself :(. I could probably cry but I know they'll be having their own amazing time while I'm here waiting for my turn to be in school.

Lagoon with the Marks (extended family on my mom's side)

This year we went to Lagoon for a family reunion since my grandparents just got back from serving a mission at the family and history center in Salt Lake City, UT. We were able to go on the 4th of July and enjoy the very short lines all day long.

This kid is my absolute favorite. What I'd do without him I have no idea. I love playing with him. Hanging with him. Fighting with him. Snuggling with him. You name it. He's been an absolute blessing in my life ever since day 1! I remember I wanted a brother so bad and when my mom called to tell us it was a boy tears filled my eyes. He's such a goof ball but I love him to pieces. I loved being at Lagoon with him because he gets so excited to go on all the rides! Except a few. We won't go into much detail but there was much screaming, tears, and fighting as I pulled him onto Wicked and Colossus. Needless to say he loved them both.

Me and some of my cute cousins (left to right: me, Courtney, Sydnee, Tyler, Cassidy). I love my cousins! I'm glad we're all such good friends.

St. George Trip with the Marks

This year we were ALL able to go to St. George as an extended family. We were able to see 'Mary Poppins' at the Tuacahn theater. It was such a fun trip and I'm so happy I have such an amazing family. I have been so blessed and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for each and every member of my family.