putting the Lord first

A big portion of my "adult life" has been spent wondering what the heck I'm supposed to be doing. I've found it difficult to make decisions that I'm faced with and even continue wondering and second guessing myself after I've come to a conclusion. It seems as if the one path that initially felt "right", no longer is and that the one way I want to go, isn't where I should be going (this has proven to be quite frustrating).

I came across this scripture during my studying the other night - at the time it didn't seem like an answer to any of my worries or concerns, yet I found that my mind kept wandering back to these two verses over the next few days:

Alma 37
36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when you risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

I was sitting at my small, messy desk at work, munching on cheez its, while I read through the most recent post by Al Fox ("9 Ways To Get More Out of General Conference"). I continued clicking through her blog and eventually the post, "I'll Never Get Married", came up. Even though I had read this entry several times before, I felt the nagging feeling that I should read it again. So I did.

I came across this sentence: "I learned that if I continued to put God first, everything else would fall into place." My mind instantly went back to what I had studied in my scriptures the night before and it was then that I realized I hadn't been doing a great job at putting the Lord first.

There have been many times where I've hopelessly and helplessly cried out in anger as to what the Lord wants me to do. Questions fill my mind every single day: Am I studying the right thing? Should I be dating more? Should I serve a mission? And it drives me completely and totally batty. Each of these questions has caused me to wonder if I'm even doing the right thing (it's a daily battle). I've often doubted if the path I'm currently traveling is the right one or if I should stop and turn around ASAP to try one of the other many roads.

I've noticed that as the ups and downs of life have seemed to come and go quite frequently, so do the things that matter the most. My scripture study and prayer habits are usually most effective and consistent when I'm coasting through life with a happy smile. However, as soon as a string of doubt weaves it's way into my life, all of the things that keep me afloat become almost non - existent: Scripture study dwindles. Prayers become less sincere. My temple attendance goes down the drain. And as a result, life gets harder. Smiles turn to frowns. And the bad days seem to outnumber the good (shocker, right?!). The funny thing is, I  can't ever seem to figure out why I'm so unhappy!

Now, you're probably thinking: Well it's no wonder you aren't happy! You aren't doing all of the little things that give life purpose and meaning! And I will willingly tell you that you are absolutely and positively 100% right. After going through this pattern multiple times, one would think I'd learn my lesson. However, I've come to find that it usually takes several failed attempts to ingrain something into my brain (I can only imagine how frustrating this must be to the Lord as He's trying to teach me valuable lessons).

Eventually I realize that my life is lacking in the spiritual department and I'll pull out my scriptures, blow off the thin layer of dust that has accumulated, and scold myself for being so prideful as to think that I could get through a challenge without the guidance of the Gospel. And almost always, an abundance of peace will find its way back into my life.

I know that the Lord does not leave us. He will never leave us, even in the moments where we feel as though we've been abandoned and are left to fend for ourselves. I am absolutely sure our questions could be answered simply and that our pains and afflictions could be easily taken from before us, yet that isn't the purpose of this life. One of the most beautiful things about our loving Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ is that they allow us to learn and grow through what we will so inevitably have to face and experience in this life. I promise that if you will put the Lord first, you will receive guidance and council to your questions and the struggles of life will become more easily bearable.

I know that the Lord listens to each of our prayers. Our cares, concerns, and worries become His cares, concerns, and worries. I've found that most of the answers to my prayers come in ways I never would have expected them to - much of my life has been down a path I hadn't originally intended to travel down. And even though trials, struggles, and frustrations still easily work their way into my life, I know that if I put my trust in the Lord, all will work out.

I hope that as we continue through this beautiful journey, we will remember to put the Lord first, always.