afraid to wear a t - shirt

I have this shirt. It's red. And it says "PORN KILLS LOVE" in large white lettering.

I have other shirts from this same organization; a black one that says, "Become a fighter, change begins with one" and a blue one that says, "Don't fill your head with lies". I've worn these two shirts on multiple occasions and always get some questions as to the meaning behind them. I've even gotten random strangers telling me how great it is that I'm repping the movement of Fight the New Drug.

But for some odd reason, wearing the well - known red "Porn Kills Love" t - shirt has proven to be quite difficult.

You see... the blue and black shirts tend to blend in easier with the crowd - I can walk around wearing either of them and at first glance it just looks like one of my old high school t - shirts.

But everybody knows about the "Porn Kills Love" shirt - you don't even have to read it to already know what it says.

Don't get me wrong... I love the shirt! It's probably in the top 5 of my most favorite t - shirts (yes... I do rank my clothing in order of favorite to least favorite)! I wear it to bed all the time; but when the laundry hasn't been done and my supply of shirts to wear to the gym is running low... my red "porn kills love" t - shirt isn't even considered. When it's time to go to band practice? Anything BUT the red shirt. And Saturday morning math class where looking like a slob is totally acceptable because of the inhumane hour that it's being held? The shirt is not so lovingly tossed aside and I'm forced to sift through dirty clothes in order to find something to wear.

Why?

I've never been one to really care much about what people think of me. The confidence that I have in myself, my standards, and values are much greater than any comment or thought that someone could think or say to me.

But, simply put: I was afraid to stick out. I was afraid of being noticed; wearing this shirt brought me out of my "Cambri comfort zone". Every time I put it on in the morning, the thoughts of what people might think of me if they saw me wearing it would wander through my head...

Why is she wearing that?

What is she thinking making a statement like that?

Does she really believe that?

I first came across "Fight the New Drug" earlier in 2015. Immediately I was intrigued by what I was reading. Pornography is like a drug? Wow! How? And I kept reading all that the website had to offer. How have I never heard all this stuff? As I continued navigating around this website, I found all of the many great things that this company was doing for the countless people with loved ones struggling with pornography as well as those who struggle themselves. Reading the real - life stories from people who knew all too well about the harmful effects of pornography became something I did during my free time. It amazed me to see all of the kind words that people who didn't even know each other shared with those who were struggling.

After supporting this organization for numerous months, I decided it was time to buy one of their many t - shirts. I knew that the "Porn Kills Love" shirt was the most popular of all, but didn't think I was ready to make such a bold statement - so I bought my two other Fight the New Drug shirts instead.

However, every time I went back to the website, I found myself wanting to buy the shirt.

So one day I did! And a few days later my t - shirt showed up in the mail. My heart started to beat a little faster as I opened the clear packaging. I was excited, but also nervous. I fully support and love what this organization does for people but was completely nervous to wear this shirt out in public for fear of what others might think.

So the shirt stayed in my dresser drawer for quite some time. I didn't even try it on.

Eventually I forgot about the t - shirt until it showed up in my laundry a few weeks later. I lifted it up and looked at it. I held it there for a moment and cocked my head to one side. Why am I so afraid to wear this shirt?

It took me sitting in my parents laundry room holding up a very neglected t - shirt to realize that this had the adversary written all over it. I scolded my lack of courage and decided I would wear the shirt out in public.

I'm reminded of the popular Mormon Message from our sweet Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson entitled: Dare to Stand Alone (watch it here).

While my itty bitty predicament was not the same as President Monson's, it had its similarities. Watching this simple message often makes me wonder if I would have the courage to stand all alone or if I would back out and go with another group.

While it isn't the exact same, not wearing my red "Porn Kills Love" t - shirt because I was afraid of what others would think of me, answers the question of whether or not I would stand alone or shamefully leave to join another group and their Sunday activities.

Now, I understand that this is just a t - shirt and that in the grand scheme of things it probably doesn't even matter all that much, but it sure has seemed to cause quite the ruckus. The nervous butterflies that accompanied wearing the shirt outside of my bedroom caused me to wonder if it was actually worth it.

I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror and, for a brief moment, contemplated taking it off. But I didn't. And I wore it all day. I went to the parentals in it. And out in public. I even posted a picture on social media - I was feelin' gutsy.

I quickly realized that wearing this shirt helped me to feel a sense of pride; I was wearing something that showed a portion of my beliefs and I wasn't afraid of it anymore! All of the sudden, sticking out like a sore thumb or wondering what other people were thinking about me wasn't on the forefront of my thoughts. 

As members of the Church, I believe that we are supposed to stick out - but for good reasons, of course. In Peter 2:9 we're referred to as a 'peculiar' people. Even back then they knew we'd be oddballs!

The trick is to realize that being the one sticking out of the "popular crowd" is actually cool!

I've always known that the commandments and guidelines set by our Prophets and other Church leaders are here to help us and keep us safe and protected. I'm a firm believer that God would never have us do anything that would harm us or slow down our progression to our ultimate goal: perfection.

Because of the commandments, principals, guidelines, and suggestions - Mormons are most often the odd man out (unless you live in Utah or Rexburg). If followed correctly, we're meant to stand out. Meant to stick out like a sore thumb. Meant to cause people to question our actions. Meant to make people wonder what we're all about.

"When you keep the commandments and follow the Savior's example, it's like holding up a light. Your good example helps others to find their way in a darkened world." -Ardeth G. Kapp

Now, I know that Fight the New Drug is not directly associated with the LDS church, but it sure does follow and go along with what we believe! It's designed to help people find relief and freedom from something that's holding them captive - no matter how deep in they are. While wearing my red shirt doesn't show my beliefs directly - it does in some small part. It's caused people to ask questions and wonder why I support such a group. I've found that numerous missionary opportunities have come from simply wearing this shirt.

After having seen all of the positive events that occur from wearing a shirt makes me wonder why I ever worried to wear it in the first place!

I've had many challenges and experiences that have helped me to see that being a Mormon is actually the cool thing to do and be. Trifling and dabbling with the things of the world can seem fun - but that fun is only temporary and doesn't even begin to compare to the happiness and blessings that one can obtain from faithfully living the Gospel standards.

Don't be afraid of wearing a t - shirt that represents a small portion of who and what you are. For that matter, don't be afraid of anything that shows what you stand for.

I challenge each and every one of us to follow President Monson's council: "Dare to be a Mormon. Dare to stand alone. Dare to have a purpose firm. Dare to make it known!"

 ***

Check out the Fight the New Drug website! It's really cool!

The LDS Church holds support meetings for those directly and not directly affected by pornography. They follow 12 steps that can help provide relief to those struggling. These steps can be and are a blessing to anybody.

five loaves of bread & two fish

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the miracle of Jesus feeding the five thousand with a mere five loaves of bread and two fish. It's a story that is frequently told and often referred to. The miracle itself is quite remarkable and almost incomprehensible to my mind.

The other day we had a man speak in our ward; the emphasis of his talk surrounding this amazing miracle. He began by sharing the story from the book of John in the New Testament:

John 6: 5 - 13
5. When Jesus then lifted up his eyes, and saw a great company come unto him, he saith unto Philip, Whence shall we buy bread, that these may eat?
6. And this he said to prove him: for he himself knew what he would do.
7. Philip answered him, Two hundred pennyworth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may take a little.
8. One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, saith unto him,
9. There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but what are they among so many?
10. And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand.
11. And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fishes as much as they would.
12. When they were filled, he said unto his disciples, Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost.
13. Therefore they gathered them together, and filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the give barley loaves, which remained over and above unto them that had eaten.

His focus then turned to the young lad that provided the five loaves of barley bread and the two fish. The speaker looked up from his scriptures and said,

"Am I expected to believe that absolutely not one of those five thousand people had not even a single speck of food?" 

He went on to explain that his personal belief was that there was probably more food to be found in the small pockets or bags that belonged to the company sitting upon the grass. Once approached by the disciples, the person probably had a few thoughts running through his mind:

"I have a wife and children to feed."

"I am poor. I can't give up what little food I have."

"I have not enough."

Whatever thoughts crossed their minds, they informed the disciples that there wasn't a crumb of food to be spared. We know that the disciples finally found the 'young lad' that gave up his five loaves of bread and two fish to be shared with the company of people.

The speaker continued to apply this story and his personal thoughts and beliefs to our own lives; as members of the Church we are asked to sacrifice a great deal. We give 10% of all our income. We're asked to accept callings and expect nothing in return. Our precious time is given to a friend in need. Home - cooked meals are made for the family who's father just passed away. Talents are practiced and perfected and shared with those around us. Members serve months spreading the good word of the Gospel.

When approached with the decision to lend a helping hand, or to work or serve, what are we thinking?

"I work to provide for my family all day. I haven't the time."

"I lack the talent."

"Someone could do a much better job than I."

"I haven't enough to give."

We have been placed on the world in this time and place for purposes that only He is aware of. Our Savior, Jesus Christ gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we would have somewhere to turn when feelings of doubt and inadequacy surfaced. He suffered in Gethsemane so that we would have someone to run to when no one else could possibly understand. He died on the cross so that we could be forgiven of our sins and return to live in His presence once our time on this earth had passed.

He has given us all He has to offer. Should we not do the same? We owe Him more than we are capable to give, yet I'm sure He is grateful when we give what little we have.

"You may sometimes be tempted to say, 'Will my influence make any difference? I am just one. Will my service affect the work that dramatically?' I testify to you that it will. You will never be able to measure your influence for good." -President Thomas S. Monson

I believe that to be true. There is no way to know how much good you do in the world. No way to measure the joy felt by the person that received your happy smile in the hallway yesterday. There is no way to know the amount of relief experienced by the mother of the two little boys you're babysitting for an hour so she can take a break. It is nearly impossible to measure the amount of appreciation being felt by the elderly man as you help him weed his garden.

You never know how much good you do by just doing the little things.

I promise that if you will make your time and talents available to the Lord and the hastening of His work that you will be blessed. There will always be someone with more time. There will always be someone that is better or has had more life experience. If you keep telling yourself your contribution will make no difference, it won't.

"You have two hands. One to help yourself, the second to help others." -Audrey Hepburn

I believe we have so much to give. There is goodness within us. I know we will be blessed for the sacrifices we make - no matter how small or insignificant they may seem; because in the eyes of the Lord, they are great. And they make a world of difference for those around us.

So. Will you be the young lad?