am i worth refining?

This past week I had the opportunity to attend BYU Women's Conference with some members in my extended family. The day started in the Marriott Center with Sister Linda K Burton, General Relief Society President of the Church, where she addressed the thousands of women who were there to be inspired, uplifted, and spiritually fed. The rest of the day was filled with messages from individuals like Jenny Oaks Baker, Hilary Weeks, John Bytheway and countless other motivating speakers (I felt like I was walking around with celebrities - needless to say I was one very happy girl).

After being introduced to the theme of the conference, "One In Charity", my mom and I ran (literally) to the BYU Bookstore, the most important building we'd be in all day (*please note sarcasm*), so that we could stock up on the two things that would sustain us for the next few hours: peanut m&m's and chocolate covered cinnamon bears.

With our goodies in hand, we sat down in the Smith Fieldhouse and patiently waited for the speakers to come through. Even though I've never met him personally, Brad Wilcox is one of my all time favorite people that currently live on this planet (he wrote my favorite book, "The Continuous Atonement", which has it's own blog post that you can read by clicking here). It's been a dream of mine for the past little while to hear him speak (my next dream is to shake his hand), and on Thursday, that dream came true.

me and my beautiful momma

He shared of a time when he felt as though he wasn't deserving of God's love; he assumed that those around him were more entitled than he was to receive the blessings that come from our loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He explained that he was living through the motions of going to Church, reading his scriptures, and saying his prayers, yet he felt like God just wasn't there. Then he said something that I could easily relate to: "I felt like God already knew the outcome of my life, and I assumed that the outcome would be that I wouldn't make it. So why would God put me through a refiner's fire if I weren't worth refining?"

Let me say that last part again, "Why would God put me through a refiner's fire if I weren't worth refining?"

The question made me think. A lot. My mind went back to a time when I had similar feelings coursing through my brain. I'd often wonder if going through the trials and struggles that I was going through (and would inevitably go through in the future years to come) would be worth it if God already knew that I wasn't going to make it anyways. Why should I spend time learning and progressing when it might not actually be worth it?

my mom, me and three of my aunts

And then Brad answered the question: "He loves us because he has to. He loves us because He is bound to."

In his book, "The Continuous Atonement", Brad recounts this experience in Chapter Seven, "Who Made God the Enemy?" He explains it beautifully: "Some may not find much comfort in that thought (that God is bound to love us), but for me it was a realization that brought tremendous relief, peace, and security. God is bound to love me. It is his nature to love perfectly and infinitely. He is bound to love me - not because I am good, but because He is good... No matter how deficient and beyond recovery I thought I was, God was bound to love me. No matter how many balls I had juggled and let fall, no matter how much weight I had gained, how much lack of self - control I demonstrated, and how many regrets I carried from the past, He was bound to love me. No matter what my future might turn out to be, He is bound to love me."

Elder Jefferey R. Holland wrote in his book, "Trusting Jesus", "Just because God is God, just because Christ is Christ, they cannot do other than care for us and bless us and help us if we will but come unto them, approaching their throne of grace in meekness and lowliness of heart. They can't help but bless us. They have to. It is their nature."

The Lord has confidence in us. He has confidence in me, which means that He has confidence in you. You wouldn't be here, on this earth, if God didn't think that you weren't worth refining. Our loving brother, Jesus Christ, wouldn't suffer for the pains and afflictions of this world if we weren't worth it. I believe there is a reason we go through the things that we do. I know that my past experiences have led me to become the person that I am today and that the only way I can keep growing and gaining knowledge is if I continue to go through the refiner's fire that will eventually lead me to perfection in the next life to come.

I know that, at times, life can seem difficult. Sometimes it may even seem impossible. The struggles and trials that we face on a daily basis can make it seem like the easiest option would be to simply give up. However, I promise that if you will put your faith and trust in and with the Lord, your weaknesses can and will become your strengths, bad days will come to an end, and you will feel the love that our Savior and Heavenly Father have for you.

If we do our part, and let the Savior do His, countless blessings and an abundance of joy will surely come our way.

"In the end, everything will be alright. And if everything isn't alright, then it's not the end."

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"The refiner's fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God."

-Quentin L. Cook 

("The Songs They Could Not Sing" October General Conference 2011)